Saving daylight

2012-02-21T03:32:00.001+08:00

So its been awhile. Summer's been kind to me and so its grace fades as the new semester commences next week. I'm starting to feel the slight pressure as I read up the resources for this semester's units. Its my final semester, the last league of my degree. Boy does time fly by fast or what.

(below the cut are a couple of pictures I've captured over the summer)

I've missed Perth and I love Singapore, if only on some days I had a mixture of two. This summer, I've spent lots of it figuring out many thing, particularly my relationships with friends. It was a little hard at the beginning for me but I've come to realize that people not only grow apart, our expectations of one another rise and when being put the test with no solid results, disappointment takes hold and slowly pries a barrier. Away from the mind and more of the belly, I've been indulging in heaps, savoring every mouth whilst counting the days till I meet home again. Everyday I wake up wondering what the rest of my year is going to be like. This year is so crucial for me. Sure, we begin and start something new everyday, but somewhere in one of those days, is the biggest change awaiting me yet. And I hope, my expectations and efforts won't let me down.

I might be half way across the world by the end of the year living on my own. Perth is just a stepping stone. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Keeping my fingers crossed.

Love,
D

Shift

2011-07-18T20:07:00.000+08:00

I'm trying out (tumblr as a blogging domain, do follow!)
see you on the other side.

xx
D

Here!

2011-07-16T12:23:00.001+08:00

Just to say, I'm finally back in Perth!
The flight from Singapore wasn't great and I feel like i'm suffering from jet lag even though there isn't a change in timezone. I've gotta get some stuff done today followed by a million and one other things. Will definitely update soon with pictures!

xx
D

Short update

2011-07-13T05:26:00.001+08:00

Because Hazel and I got bored.

Here's me bidding farewell to Singapore for the next few months!

xoxo, D.

If you guessed right..

2011-07-05T13:29:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I don't know if anyone even reads this space anymore. Was actually thinking of going back to private blogging or maybe finally closing this domain. Ah, hard to do. So anyway if (those of you who still read) you've guessed right, I had my very first trip to USS last Saturday! I know. Everyone's already been there, time hasn't really been on my side. Besides, I usually sleep in till 2-3pm on the weekends.

The experience was great considering the people I was with but the rides not so much. There weren't that many thrilling rides as I expected which did come as a disappointment to me since the hype of it "being extremely fun, so many things to do, so many rides to take". Rollercoaster wise, Cylon's more of my pick. The mummy and Jurassic park water ride were the best cause those were the only two everyone took together. Lucky me! I barely got wet on the Jurassic water ride but there was an old dude sitting next to me which was a tad weird. Imagine sever 20 year olds and one 40 year old dude. We were all talking and laughing uncontrollably during the ride and he just sat there, quiet, minding his business which would be kind of hard seeing that he was squeezing next to me. I actually tried to make conversation. I was terrible at it haha. During one of the dark corners of the ride, I looked at his watch and said, "Oh uncle, your watch glows in the dark!" OKAY I KNOW. That is the worst line ever. He ignored me anyways. That lessened the embarassment by quite a bit. I loved the Shrek bit. We managed to grab the first row of seats and I can say that I absolutely enjoyed the experience. Except for when Donkey sneezed. The park was still overly crowded and my friends and I couldn't help but walk all day. Frankestein tried the scare the daylights out of me but he only managed to make my heart skip a beat. He's such a sweetheart. If he was real I'd take him to try red velvet cupcakes and maybe bring him to 1 altitude. I'm sure he'll tone down after that.

Overall I did have fun. It was good to see everyone again. I think I'm going to take a break today and possibly stay in. I've yet to pack. I might be getting a new lappy too! Can't wait.
Here's to embracing my last week in Singapore.

There are at least another 300 more but I shall stop here.
Oh god, some bird just flew into my room and gave me a 2 second heart attack. Hazel did the honors of chasing it out. What will I do without her. I hope you like the song attached with this post. Have a great week!

x,
D

Guess where?

2011-07-04T04:14:00.000+08:00

Figured it out yet?

XOXO

Have a splendid week,

Feeling like you should, won't get you down.

2011-07-01T02:13:00.000+08:00

AM/
Maps/

Great news! I managed to retreive all 491 photos from my corrupted memory card and bought another to replace the crappy one which takes twice the amount the pictures. The weekends are here, its my second last weekend, feeling the yearn to stay, I am. There are many things I've yet to do still, I pray the days creep by. I decided to downsize my photos and tried a different coloring for these set of pictures. They consists of Sean's parade and several other photos from different days.

My arm does look huge in this doesn't it haha.

The best "two" boyfriends in the world :>

Well i'm a tad sleepy. Off to bed for me.
Sleep tight!

xoxo,
D.

Desiderata

2011-06-29T07:08:00.000+08:00

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Because today you're brillant, bold and beautiful.
And so today, I shall appreciate you.
The day is good, the night is peaceful.
And so I shall thank you.

I apologise for all the times I forgot,
For my undertakings and regret.
For all the wrong I've done,
I pour my heart out to you.

I love you,
you're great with no pinch of doubt.
I thank you for loving me, every second, every day,
even when I clothed shyness, ugliness and distaste.

I make a pact to love, cherish, adore and sing praises to you.
Not today, not tomorrow but for the rest of my life.
And so, it begins today.

A new beginning, where options lie.
But its you and me and everyone else.
We all need something to believe in.
Somewhere, somehow.

Someone.

Love,
D.

Monday blues

2011-06-28T08:26:00.001+08:00

And my memory card has failed me..yet again.
Now I have to pray that some shop at simlim will retrieve it all for me. If not, I would've to cope with the lost of losing memorable photos yet again. I really really hate this. I am getting a more reliable memory card reader. The 20 bucks I spent on my supposedly "universal card reader" has contributed to the loss of hundreds of photos which has left me depressed at 8.20am.

The reminder of it all being gone honestly kills me.
I shall take a drive and get breakfast. I need it.

God, please let my files be retrievable cause I'm sure Sean can't redo his entire parade and his family photos are in there. Thank you.

On a totally different note, I think I'm in love. With conservation houses.

I can't wait for my Horrible histories download to be done. In the meanwhile, I'll finish up 1983's Scarface.

Also, today marks the first year since I got my license. I'm old. No really.

Love,
Denise

Goodnight, sleep well.

2011-06-20T04:45:00.000+08:00

*Sean and I were listening to this song in the car the other day and it was funny, we couldn't help but look at each other and we tightened the grip around our interlocked fingers. Its so brillant. Many things pass you by. You barely make it sometimes but there are miracles happening everyday, we're just too focused on everything else.

I felt like doing a little update on how everything's been for me.

I'm in the midsts of making preparations to leave in the mid of next month in time for the beginning of my third year. I know I was complaining at how miserable my life was at the beginning of the '11. It was haha, no kidding there. Everything felt like it was spiraling down and to be honest, I felt down most of the time. Everyone was probably having a hard time too cause no one was cutting me any slack in any way and again I was reminded that everyone wasn't who they seemed to be. The beginning of the semester felt like forever cause Curtin Singapore wasn't helping me very much on their end and many things got held back. One including taking a unit I was already exempted from.

The disappointment from a lot of it was piling stress like undone essay homework. I wished I could just hurry deal with it and pray for it to vanish in the next 3 seconds. My parents aren't really around very often so I'm left to handle with practically all of it on my own and sometimes I fee lthe responsibility is too much to bear. Things did simmer down after I moved out of several zones and sat my ass right back to where I was orginally from. School started getting better, life was picking up and well today, I'm happy. With where I am. With Sean, shifting myself around doing my best to try and comprehend what life is all about. I've lost some friends in the process, a potential boyfriend (thank god) and somewhat a good friend.

I'm not upset about either. Reason being is not because I'm oblivious but I believe that everyone has their own set of interests. No two people are the same. I can like your boots and hate your accessories or love you but dump shit on your boyfriend. I've given up on even refering back to superficial 'backstabbing/my life is a social climb therefore it is only imperative that I have more friends than you thus, I must also know who your friends are'. I like who my friends are and friends are not a competition. I don't care if you have more friends or if your friends are pricks. Really. I also believe that being someone friend doesn't even you the right to probe. Please don't be a roommate (with ref to Leighton meester's film). When I was younger, my friends were my prized possessions and I'd do my best so I could always keep them. They still are but you gotta know when you let them go.

With Sean, we've been fine. Fights here and there, the usual. We're trying our bestest like how we used to. I guess sometimes relationships can be so fun because you let yourself be. And no matter what anyone says, I'm happy with Sean. I like the familiarity, the love, the smiles, everything.

There's always a limit to everything and we will cross boundaries in areas at different times of our lives. Nothing's written in stone. They say you write destiny yourself. I think destiny is an amazing thing. Its the pen you use to inscribe your musings, a valuable ally. Use, live, eat and love well and you'll do fine. I'm not sure how old majority of my readers are but I hope you guys take a little something from reading my posts. Its great to see how people have progressed. From lolxzx to lawl and just regularly lol now I believe I've grown up in maybe a hundred ways, a thousand different thoughts and a couple of tangled heartstrings. Its good to be 19 coming 20 and not 14.

You appreciate cut, clarity, carat, color.
Now that's diamond talk.

Have a good week kittens.
Love,
D.

Compilations

2011-06-16T16:33:00.001+08:00

Here's an edit. I didn't get the chance to publish this post on Friday so the photos are a compilation of my weekend and other photos.

I don't really say this but. THANK THE HEAVENS ITS FRIDAY! (or you could say TGIF) I have at least 5 days till my next paper which means, I get to enjoy my weekends! You have no idea how deprived of fun I am. Its funny how everytime i'm up to my head drowning in work everyone's our partying, going on holidays while I sit stagnant, butt practically glued to my seat as my eyes slowly detoriate and astigmatism drastically increases.

9.02am, i'm all dressed up to head out. But not until I read one lecture of my notes so at least I know my exam principles are still in check.

I've got my entire Saturday planned out! YES by LMFAO would be great. Instead, i've got another song attached with this entry. Have a listen and a couple of song recommendations at the end. Its been playing continuously on my playlist for the past few days. Catchy, love it! On a sidenote, I've always wondered why my bb was so laggy and its the result of 636 pictures, well on its way to be on par with my iphone at 1000ish. So you must be wondering, "What kind of pictures she have in her phone sia? I bet confirm camwhore pictures one. Like all angles lor, like the ahlians." Here's a sneak peak!

*This post is image heavy, click at your own risk.

A really sweet friend got me macarons from paris!

I believe, this is the view from 1 altitude.

Bak ku teh i had with my dad months ago!

I absolutely love this ring. The swirly stone looks so mystical.

And I kind of miss my cement colored nails too.

Hazel with turquoise shades!

A homemade birthday present I wrapped for a friend out of the scraps everyone gave me for my 19th birthday.

I was in school on a Sunday afternoon doing up my lights for an actual filming.

I was studying late at night and I saw a couple of shadowy figures that made my heart skip a beat. Perth's really known for being dangerous, break ins and stuff. I turned around only to see that it was 2 ducks taking a stroll haha. Silly me.

Rightie-leftie facts from a psychology textbook. Really really intriguing stuff.

This beer tin piggy bank can. I'm a sucker for simpson merchandise or anything other related products to the simpsons. So when I saw this, I couldn't resist! Besides, there were pretzels in there and I was hungry.

One of my favorite scenes from the book Nightlight.

My brother's girlfriend's cousin's dog! I am such a dogophile, i know. But isn't this sweetheart the cutest?

Haha the best toothbrushes ever. I try not to use mine so the battery never runs out :>

The Margaret River Chocolate company I made a trip to before school started!

Oh god. This greedy duck. On the first week of school, I was sitting on one of the grass patches with a friend having kebab when it came by picking at everyone's food! So in return I gave it pita bread. It choked on it for what seemed like forever, 5 minutes and I was praying that it wouldn't die cause everyone was staring at me. Imagine the amount of witnesses i'd have against me!

The view of Clarke Quay Sean sent me last September I think in hopes of making me miss Sunny Singapore.

The best Korean fish egg soup at northbridge! I wasn't a huge fan of fish eggs of any sorta initially but this really has become quite an exception.

This was last year when all the asian students celebrated the lantern festival. Everyone there are great coks. I need to brush up on my culinary skills! Pronto.

A card my really good friend gave me before I flew off.

A little fun fact I found in my film textbook.

This was last year when Cesca and I baked rainbow cupcakes.

I think this was behind the Margaret River Chocolate Factory.

That's my dad and I when we I was a lot younger and cuter in Malacca.

2 erasers that cost me about 6 bucks. I just couldn't resist.

I attended a symposium earlier this year to create a media kit on and they served vegetarian food. Not yummy.

Jiayi & I made her dog Poochy put on my shades! Aw.

Thyme Roasted Portebello salad. So good!

I'm sure those of you who went to bakerzin must've came across the strawberry menu. If you actually rubbed it and sniffed your finger, it smelt like strawberries! You'll just weird rubbing it profusely haha.

Sean's freezer, I like.

Was in the mart the other time and felt kinder surprise-ish. To my dismay, you can simply tear it down the middle. You don't crack the eggs anymore.

A couple of items on the menu of 1 altitude. It deflated my appetite a little.

I alwqays found this picture adorable. It was taken once when I beought Hazel out to the field for a run! It was exceptionally windy that day.

One of my favortie rings currently!

Not forgetting, last week!

Macaron like cakes from Pic-nique if im not wrong.

2 of the rings I got about a week ago.

Dinner with my friends and Sean at lau pa sat last week!

Beef stew pasta and tuna steak! Lunch on Friday or Saturday.

This was zouk yesterday, it was so packed!

Sean's cousin's wedding had this ah-gogo jelly cake. I love the rose detail, how fanciful.

This was one of the dinners I had last week. Oxtail stew, pork sausages and onion soup.

Haha lastly, Lorna and I.

I think this is my heaviest image post yet. Those are not even a sixth of the photos I have in my bb. The weekends are finally here and my exams are over so its time to party!

xx
D

Grumble

2011-06-15T00:28:00.000+08:00

Photobucket has been a bitch since last Friday, my post is still undone, I have a law test tomorrow before freedom is finally mine, I'm terribly tired and I have to lose some weight. My fat fest has gone too far.

I shall stop being grumpy and head to bed. Right after I finish reading up on Racial discrimination. Will do my utmost best to get Friday's post up!

Have a great week guys!

Yours exhaustedly,
D.

Another week ends

2011-06-06T17:33:00.001+08:00

My weekend was great. I had great evenings and was slightly sleep deprived. I kept to disciplinary values and made sure I studied in between haha.

In continuation to the claims of me sounding upset on majority of my blog posts. Personally I think my blog has become such a reflective outlet I admit to having taken advantage of it when my emotions are on the low. Its not that my life is full of woe or i'm so pessimistic happiness is forbidden, I think its great I jot down all the obstacles in my life. Sometimes when I look back and read through my posts, it paints me a picture of how I've changed over the years, my thoughts, character and mentality. When I said that it isn't worth posting my "happiness" here, what I meant was, there are many points in my day where I feel upbeat but I can't log in to blogger every single time just to jot them down. Besides, what I deem happy may not exactly jump rocket sky high.

Also, the range of photos I have today adds to the fact that my life isn't full of woe. I honestly had such a great time, its been awhile since i've actually had a date that involved walking and exploration. Funny thing was, I didn't even know it was a date! First he insisted I got cupcakes which amounted to almost $30. The red velvet was truly the best, I loved the look of the ones with the popcorn on them but sadly, I never got the chance to take pictures of them. What a pity! We had troubles looking for the car walking around in circles, perspiring, looking at the scenery of the lighted up CBD buildings guessing the buildings while having a go at the cupcake with a spoon, exploring the Singapore Arts Fesitval Village and taking a whole lot of pictures throughout the night. The weeks begun for me where I have to go all out cause my exams start tomorrow. Wish me all the luck in the world!

xx
D

I keep on running keep on running but nothing works, i cant get away from you

2011-06-03T06:59:00.001+08:00

For those who have missed my face, here you go. Yes, you don't have to begin to tell me how crappy i look. That's the result lesser photos of myself on this e domain. Well i'm up at 6.53am studying at the dining table for my upcoming papers next week. The sky's a mild grey, the birds already chirping. Been so buried under my work I'm cite that the weekends are here! Zouk on Wednesday was fun, a mini relief from the pressure does wonders. Kid cudi's been playing on and on for awhile now. A little more on culture and i'm off to bed!

I'm feeling positive. Are you?

Have a great weekend guys.
Got my horoscope for the month of June, it says I should make-patch up things with a friend who I've felt betrayed me. I'll think about that.

xoxo
D

Manners, what?

2011-06-01T13:04:00.001+08:00

People say I sound awfully sad in most of my post, I assure you im fine. My blog has become a place where I vent my frustrations. I do feel happy most of the time, its just too much and sort of too trivial to jot down in bullet points here.

Semester 1 is coming to an end and i've been home for almost 3 days cramming my head with PR principles and strategies what not. My eyes are really starting to get the best of me, they tire out so easily and I am dying. Just Dying To Go Out. The progress has been good however. The whole sem was alright for me, met tons of new people but getting the administraition work done was a complete pain the ass. No kidding.

Just yesterday I was called Company A to enquire about a technical support centre located within the country. I ended up having to direct the girl on manners. I'm sorry but Singapore has horrible customer service. I believe the term customer service stretches great lengths. Sure you might not be a service centre but you are a receptionist, thus service enquires at your doorstep everyone someone calls. Be polite, answer with courtesy and I assure you, the only people who will go out of their way to make life difficult for you are the people who have it difficult themselves. Don't talk to someone with a tonality as if it isn't your job therefore you want to get off the line. Sorry, what post did you apply for again? Did you say recptionist?

If you are unsure, say you are then don't recommend something you are unsure of. I called back the second time to tell them of the hefty fee I had to pay in case anyone else enquired and the second receptionist, worst than the first one decided to argue back. She even asked for my name which I gladly gave. Definitely I was agitated. I already claimed I wasn't blaming her from the start which I continued to verifiy multiple times throughout the conversation and I was just informing her. Her response "We are not a customer service centre so we cannot help you. If you are going to go on I am going to put this call down." Okay, firstly, I own object A and who am I calling? Company A. Right, that's the company in charge of them, secondly you are just a receptionist. Did if ever cross your mind that I could be a CEO from somewhere else or pehaps your boss calling in to evaluate on your performance or anything else for that matter? When you work in the service line, be it attending to customers, especially answering queries, you have to be polite because all the other person hears is your voice. IF you feel that being a receptionist is beneath you, don't apply for that job because you are going to be there for the sake of the salary and putting effort in for you would be out of the question. Sure, a receptionist isn't the highest paying job but you've forgotten that receptionists play an important role. You are there for a reason so don't forget that. Even just regular staff are important components to a company. There must always be a base to something. Its disappointing that as a Singaporean i get to see the country so well developed in many areas but not ethically.

Just a month ago, I was somewhere else and the service was terrible. They obviously did not attend to us because we were "kids" and looked "poorer than the foreigners". I don't get why people behave this world. There is hiearchy in the world but again they have forgotten that all customers are paying customers. We definitely spent more than the other people but no thank you sufficed, our orders were attended to last and when our orders were taken, the waiter didn't even bother looking at us in the faces.

Personally, people on the ground forget that are responsible for how the people perceive the company. That they are represenations. One bad expereince can change any consumer's mind.

Both of which, I doubt I will ever consume from them again.
Apologies for the wordy post. Have a great week everyone xx.

D

So this is goodbye

2011-05-19T21:14:00.000+08:00

I believe in boundaries.
Boundaries that are not set in stone but encrypted into values. Values you mould yourself around. Values you attach yourself to.

Sometimes I get so disappointed at the impressions people set out for me. I know, that there are things beyond your control and how you should never let all that negativity drag you down. But there are times when you reflect upon them, you wonder if what they're saying is actually true. Maybe you've been perceiving yourself the wrong way round.

I believe I'm looking at myself right. I know what I want and I know what sights I have my eyes set upon. Its just the awkwardness you feel in your belly when you see them, you remember every single word they say. You push your smiles forward and be you wondering if they'll ever realise that what they know about you is completely wrong. Then again, there are times I choose to not care, which works well but the cycle of ups and downs goes on especially if that person always regulates around your circle of friends. Then there's history. No matter how far in time stretches, moving in to a new era, centuries, history will never be erased.

I never find the need to judge someone. I personally dont believe in labelling people. I wish people in this world would learn to just do the same. To not assume, get all fictitious and most certainly, I don't appreciate historical factor blindfolding my line of sight.

When will people learn to be just themselves.
Maybe i've been living in a bubble only meant for the different.
And i'm not different.

D

I wanna know your name.

2011-05-18T12:46:00.000+08:00

I'll see you guys tonight.

x
D

Lose the sheets, there's no time for sleep.

2011-05-10T05:40:00.001+08:00

Don't talk about giving chances.
Everyday's a chance to mend the wrong to right.
I awake with yesterday troubles interlocked in my mind, no doubt about that. But I believe in starting on a new slate everyday. That yesterday troubles remain where they are. Sure the past can affect today, even tomorrow. But keep the good memories close, the bad closer. Learn to look at the bad in a positive light, not to hold grudges. Live today, grow tomorrow, outgrow yesterday's unwindings.

I haven't had much of an update so under the cut are a couple of food pictures, none including yours truly. However, some including Sean. Alright, this week's going to be a busy week for me. Can't wait to pull through to Friday!

Have a great week loves,

D.

I'm sorry that I hurt you pretty lady, can you take me back?

2011-05-06T05:20:00.000+08:00

So I'm home for about an hour to wash up and get a breather before everyone heads off for a one and a half hour mass then to the cemetry to bid our final farewell to my grandfather. I have a feeling my knees are going to tremble, hard. The priest who did his confirmation will touch down this morning from France to do his last service.

I want to thank everyone for their condolences and concern.
My family is taking the loss rather well. Though tears are spawn but we know that grand daddy is at a better place where his pain and troubles have faded away. My grand mother has been the strongest among all and her love for my grand dad is eternal.

Love is great. Personally I'm a hypocrite and I know it. I don't believe in eternal love much like what my grand parents and parents have. Maybe i'm in need of a redeemer who might just change my mind. There are so many worries awaiting, from school to work and life. I know what infactuation feels like. When I was a lot younger, someone once told me, "Infactuation is just the beginning of it all. Love doesn't come easy." It doesn't. I admire the courage couples have to withstand every obstacle that comes their way. Sure love in general exists, but I think different variations aren't for everyone.

The amazing part about all of it is, everyone loves someone one way or another and there are so many ways to decipher it. Parental, relationship kind of love. The latter might some me find day, but for now, I'm content. Infactuation doesn't weigh as heavy as stress.

Tinchy Stryder and Taio Cruz are keeping me company.
I pray to be strong.
I need to be.

I love my wallpaper, "The past was once the future."
D

You belong here, you were meant for me.

2011-05-04T07:58:00.002+08:00

"Nic, we've always done everything together, why not this?"
My grand dad bought them both ice cream, sat down before he held her hand, minutes after he collapsed. He just wanted to hold her hand, she didn't know why but he knew.

"Gong gong looks so good." "I know, he's so handsome. Even better than the first time I saw him."

"Nic, your friends are here to see you. Come on, get up."

My grand ma has been incredible the past few days.
I admire her strength and courage.
She loves you more than anything else in the world. This year would've been their 60th wedding anniversary.

I think I'm gonna cry.

Take care of mama.
Thank you grandpa.
We all miss you.

I'll update soon.
D

I wrote this for you, Nicholas Francis Lee

2011-05-02T01:36:00.002+08:00

Seasons change,
flowers wither.
From black to grey,
dawn to dusk,
eyes open,
winds change.
Like the sands of time, you return to the where you came from.

Saying your were wonderful would be a lie. You were amazing. From little, you watched us grow as we did the same. I'll never forget when you used to come over and huddle up with my brother and I. How you'd take us to MacDonalds and get Dom just the buns of the burger cause he was such a picky eater. You'd take me for walks, whisper how great of a grand daughter I was and you always had the best things to say. Time passed by and we shared unforgettable moments together. Your favourite song till today is quando quando and you'd serenade to mama Rose, "Paper Roses" and "she wears my ring" cause those are her favourite songs. You'd play the harmoncia to any tune I wanted to hear, you were a walking tablet of love pick up lines. One which I told you that you could compile a series of. I know you love cheeseburgers and authentic peranakan food. You'd smile everytime we went by and as I got older, I realised how much you slowed down. When I couldn't even stand on my two feet, you were carrying me around planting kisses all over my face. I did the same when I saw you. You talked about the importance of god but loved to gamble. You'd pick the best fruits and I mean the best. You knew I loved mangoes so you'd always get them for me even when I wasn't around. Rambutans, oh GOD durians, you always got the sweetest ones and everytime you did, you'd say "De-nise! Gong Gong got you the best durians. YOU MUST TRY THIS ONE" and it never failed to bring a smile to my face. You'd watch me eat with pride in your eyes. You knew my childhood favourites. We'd sit in the balcony and I'd watch you rip durian after durian apart with your strong hands. I remember you always gave me top priority to pick the best. Especially when no one was watching. You were such a great man. But god believes in balance, he put you here and now that he's put your head to rest, I hope you find the path that leads to the right way. I love you gong gong Nic. I couldn't help but burst into tears when I got the phone call. I remembered how we were reminiscing all the good times just the other day. Your smile came to mind and it broke my heart. I couldn't breathe.

I miss you already. Everyone is sobbing terribly cause we didn't just lose someone. We lost you. There's no one in the world that would shift the way we all feel about you. You're all the wonderful things, like a beautiful explosion of colour.
You were always full of colour in that tailored shift and trousers of yours. I liked that. You'll always be my grandfather Nicholas Francis Lee.
If I had it my way, I'd keep you in arms forever. But now that its your time to go, have a safe journey.

I'll meet you there soon.
I'll be waiting for you to call.
I love you.

"Every moment's a day, everyday seems a lifetime. Let me show you the way, to a joy beyond compare. I can't wait a moment more, tell me quando quando quando. Say its me you adore. And then darling tell me when."

You sing it better than Engelbert humperdinck.
Sleep tight grand daddy.
D.

We hit turbulence

2011-04-25T13:57:00.001+08:00

I'm listening to turbulence. Its an early Monday afternoon and I am going to attempt to cook lunch for 2. Not the best idea considering I rarely cook and I don't have much of any idea how to toss, flip or do anything fancy. I have a couple of photos to sum up my weekend, had a movie marathon on Friday, a dinner at 1 altitude on Sat and 2 parties and another dinner at Fairmont yesterday. Its back to the most dreadful day of the week, where I have my lazy butt in check all over again.

So anyway I thought I'd answer a couple of questions that seems like what is FAQs to me.

Denise, don't you ever wear make up?
Well, I don't. Reason being is I have terribly sensitive skin and my eyes aren't the easiest to draw.

Who are you dating now?
If I said no one would you believe me? If no, take a wild guess.

Why aren't you updating your blog?
I haven't had the time to do so. I only do it when time persists me to :<

Where are you studying and what are you doing?
I am a student at Curtin University of Technology, now known as Curtin University, majoring in Film and Television and PR.

You are so pale and you look sick.
Hahaha I love this one. Well blame it on my grandma, she's the one that's half dutch. You have no idea how some people would kill just to be fair. If given the choice, I'd like to be moderate.

I can't install your template on my blog. What's wrong? It keeps saying error.
I've answered this one many times. You are probably using the new blogger so go to Design > Edit Html > Revert to classic template. Paste the codes in and walah, done.

What camera are you using?
Olympus e450.

Do you bring your camera everywhere you go?
Yes I do. Except for school.

You have great skin. How do you maintain it?
Honestly I'm not trying to be modest but I don't. I have hyper sensitive skin so I stay away from what i'm allergic to. I don't hve a skin regime but washing your face with normal and scrub facial foams and the occasional toner does the trick for me.

You are so skinny.
People like you make me want ot give up ever watching my weight. Haha, have you seen me in flesh?
I'm not. I eat anything I like, go heavy on dessert, love oily food, gotta love kueh pisang and sizzling apple crumble. I love food. I spend most of my allowance on it. Possibly 4/5?

There, so those are the few. If you have anything to ever ask, don't hesitate. Pictures under the cut.

Have a great week, the long weekend awaits your arrival.

xx

D

Strangers again

2011-04-23T18:09:00.003+08:00

"I think that if life seperates us and if we end up in totally different places, i'll always remember when our plans align for this period of time. And I'll always be thankful for that. And hope wherever you are, you'll be thankful too.

xx

D

Ocean sized love

2011-04-22T11:48:00.002+08:00

Incase you don't already know, I'm a huge sucker for old films. I love horror and gore but it only comes in at closest, second. I haven't had the time to document anything with my camera lately because work's been piling up quite a bit. Just seocnds ago, I was on tumblr and read a quote by Ghandi.

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”

In a really funny way, it made my morning and it made sense. There are people you'll meet who would kill just to see you fall. And I read another yesterday that said life would be so much easier if we all just stopped caring. I think if you still can carry on to love and care event if someone or some people tries/try to put you down a million times, you're pretty darn amazing. Its not a battle of whether good triumphs evil, its a battle for change and not revenge. I guess in my day, people have tried to resurrect the green eyed monster in me but at the end of it all, jealousy escapes me, all that remains is a depressing sense of disappointment that shifts the way I perceive people. Which is a mistake. I'll should never lose faith in humanity, cause its an ocean. It stretches on forever, I have to sail further and there, I know I'll meet the right people.

Perfectly imperfect, sane and sincere.
I'm going to download Ghandi 1982 and watch Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
Have a Good Friday, its a long weekend so keep safe.

xx

D

"I am the patron saint of lost causes"

2011-04-13T10:51:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile since I had such a fiesty combination of Mexican and Ice cream. Didn't do much grace to my stomach but hard tacos are..I'll say it. Orgasmic. I could just have the tacho shell without the fillings! The previous week for me was fun. I love the little breaks I give myself. If lazing were a course of study, I'd do it. Anyone would, really. Brought Susan to club for the very first time last week. Everyone was generous and we all had heaps of fun, including the mascot who clearly was the dj's best friend. Our legs were so sore from jumping, I can't wait for Armin this Thursday.

My life has been a constant roll of work, school in and out. Dry as usual. My law test is next week and i'm only on the defences of defamation, assignments are soon to be due, i'm already half way through the semester. Less than 3 more months before I return. I feel the pull holding me back as I slowly settle myself back here. I'm thinking of shutting my blog down, to finally come to a stop in blogging. I know, where will all the food photos go? Facebook maybe? I don't know but somehow the spark to blog has somewhat diminshed. Things have been picking up, the year seems to be getting better. I came across a blog earlier where someone did the exact same changes, proportions, fonts, type of blogging style and even picture sizes I couldn't help but mistake it for my blog. For a second, maybe two. It kickstarts the drive to stop. Hmmm. Its a busy week for me, I'm awaiting my hours of euphoria tomorrow.

For now, its lots of studying to do! But first, a little shuteye.
For those who still read my blog, my love goes out to you.
Oh, have you heard the version of S&M including Britney? Couldn't help but overhear the exclusive on the radio.
Also if you're in for televison's first make under series, youtube bbc's snog.marry.avoid! It'll make your morning, or night.

So, the song above has been replaying in my head all morning.
Over and over again. Like a broken record, literally.
xx

D

"I'm having a facial"

2011-04-08T03:53:00.001+08:00

I havent done a vlog in awhile so here's video of Jia and I killing time while waiting for our Maccas. My fingers are drenched from my mcwings. So good! Brain food. Oh and Jia didn't mean it when she said "fuck you". Don't get touchy! Have a great weekend guys.

xx
D

Like the sound of a windmill going round

2011-04-04T17:38:00.001+08:00

I realise I haven't had a proper update in awhile now. The desire to blog has diminished slightly. I do blog privately once in a while, only when I sincerely need to vent. With it being 5.18pm on a Monday, I'm sadly home studying for a law test coming up next week. Life's been a little kinder to me with nothing rocketing sky high. My eyes are tired from barely any sleep last night but lately I've been a tad lazy just taking advantage of the free time I have away from assignments. I wouldn't say I'm entirely happy but i'm gradually making my way there which is a good thing, really. Cause lately since the beginning of the year, I've encountered hiccups so often I was starting to think that the reality of my life was as such. I'm learning how to look for the silver linings :)

The privacy of having kept my personal life away from my publishing domain has helped remove its status from the prying. I'm glad I stopped blogging or really twitting about it. I was previously opened to the idea of wearing my heart on my sleeve because I basically have nothing to hide. But, you'll only see it if we ever speak haha which is merely possible.

I feel old listening to deep purple but they're amazing. My chin's higher, my heart feeling less heavy and I constantly remind myself to take each day as it comes. The first 3 months of the year weren't the easiest but since April's arrived, I'm hoping nature doesn't blow its strong winds to knock me over. In about 3 months I'll be back in Perth, i'm excited actually. It puts a smile on my face.

Here's a couple of pictures I collected over the week, there's more but my laptop wiped out all my pictures. How depressing.

I shall stop here.
Have a great week, i'm off to dinner to catch up with a friend I haven't seen for awhile now.

Love,
D.

I can't promise you, everything

2011-03-28T08:13:00.000+08:00

A fragment of time, captured in moments.
Days fleet like flight, Nights carved with stars.
They always say its morning sunrise in your eyes,
Never do they mention the almost sleepless nights you mind spends awaken.
Weaving through collections, you devise affinity.
One after another, like an unceasing chronic dream.
Just as you spent under the sheets, eyes wide facing the illuminating dark, breaths still, seconds tick by.
You ask yourself, why me?

I may not have the reasons why.
But I believe these reasons find you.
Maybe you're special.
Or maybe its life's way of preaching.
Possibly the gospel of entity.

They say time discovers truth.
I guess I might say, patience is virtue.

D

The tide pulls from the moon

2011-03-22T03:50:00.000+08:00

Sometimes its not about being right or being safe.
Its about running off the edge of a cliff, diving head first into the unknown waters, letting the elements embrace you as you plunge like a comet crashing down on to earth. Unsteadily, without warning. Its about wearing your heart on your sleeve, letting yourself be vunerable. Standing in the rain, running with all your might into the arms of your fears, opening up to the people you barely know. Sometimes its about standing outside the box, looking in.

Its not about living dangerously on the edge.
Its about exploring the bewildering being living, breathing inside you.

D.

Strangers

2011-03-17T18:06:00.001+08:00

I guess strangers really are friends we have yet to meet.

Its gonna be a long, long ride

2011-03-13T05:12:00.000+08:00

I've been sitting in front of my laptop for the past 6 hours trying to compile information and resources for my essay. I've done enough slacking around for the weekend, stuffing myself uncontrollably.

I constantly feel like i'm walking on thin ice. Not with any one in particular but basically with everything. I get so annoyed thinking about why people hold good jobs when they're qualities are clearly questionable. Why is it I always have to be the one who pushes for answers? The one who tries to be multilingual.

We may be the same colour but you behave like you're from a different race, nation, place. I'm always here somehow in vulnerable positions. It saddens and frustrates me that no one regards moral values anymore, how life is all about doing every itty bitty scrap of shit you want disregarding anyone that passes you by. I watch you from afar but you can't see me. The truth is, I say I see right through you but in fact you're opaque. Not because you're a terrible person but because you're so troubled by what's circling around in your head all day, everyday. Or maybe all this time I've been making you out to be the wrong individual cause that's how troubled I really am.

My mind and eyes are drained.
I need sleep, work can wait. So can everything else.
I'm just feeling overworked.
Yawn.

Thank you.

Goodnight,
D.

Heart full of wine

2011-03-11T23:44:00.000+08:00

After what feels like an incredibly long school week, I already feel so buried under assignments as i'm actually trying to compile my resources of academic journals for my first essay. My day hasn't been the most productive but I'm well on my way to completion. With the weekends here, I'm ready to let loose a little and give both work and I a break instead of having it constantly on my mind ruining all the fun.

Here are pictures from yesterday's dinner. I would reccomend this place if you've been looking for a little cosy restaurant with food where you can touch and taste a hinge of elegance. Perhaps to take your girlfriend/boyfriend somewhere a little more pricey for a special date or an anniversary. With classic steak, complementary glass of wine, a neverending serving of fries, foie gras for starters and meringue with homemade hazelnut ice cream deliciously soaked with thick chocolate sauce, I would say it hits the tastebuds just right.

(L'entrecote)

Well I'm off to 1 altitude to enjoy the breeze and again experience the Singapore view. Have a good weekend my readers.

With love,
D.

Dress up in every colour, leave your cotton socks & the cameras on

2011-03-09T06:35:00.002+08:00

School has begun, I've been so caught up with work everything seems generally familiar to me. I think among all the units I'm taking this semester, PR Law has to be the one where I will have the most reading up to do. There are terms I'm not entirely rooting sure of so more research, here I come.

Other than school slowing creeping control of my life, my nights are doomed by classes but the up side is, I have long weekends which I will sloth for all week just to get to laze on Fridays through to Sundays. I'm glad to say that drama hasn't yet decided to return and haunt me with its disencourgament which I try to thank for every day.

There are factors in my life which I do not feel comfortable sharing on my blog anymore because of the people who read it. I never really did care all that much about those details but even now, I don't twit about it nor do I publicise it anywhere. In a really unlikely and weird sense, I've become more private about the life I lead which by nature i'm a 1-80 oppposite. Some times I feel like my friends aren't the best people to consult either. Their passing judgements miss the actual points and they get on to this whole new spree of commanding you on what and not to do .

Don't get me wrong, I can deal with judgement, probably even redemption but I don't see the right people have to even come to judgements in the first place unless you're a judge then its a necessity now isn't it. No one has the right to critisise the decisions you make. Even if you're tempted to, keep it to yourself, nuture the judgement you have and try to emphatise with the other party. Firstly, it is your life and you have every will to do as you like. Secondly, your friends are friends with you because they love the person you are and the characteristics you carry. Thirdly, advice is very much appreciated, eternally in fact but commanding, really? Even my parents don't tell me how to live my life.

People have pressed this question at me many a times.
"Would you be friends with me if I was this or that? Or if I did this?"
I don't get why people are so insecure about what they do. Not that you shouldn't bother, you should but to a certain extent. What happened to living life the way you want to or loving the things you do? My response would be, "sure I'd always be friends with you even if you were disabled or handicapped or mentally disinclined in any way." I mean, what do you really want me to say? That I hate you for being you?

As a friend, isn't it only imperative to never judge, be understanding, accomdating, forgiving, merciful and a whole long string of wholesome qualities to others in your life? If we truly had a say in everything each and every one of us this, we'd be even more complicated and conflicted than we already are now. I guess this rant is subjective to how tired I am of getting told what's right and wrong when I truly believe that I am capable to differentiate that. My feelings are equally important as yours which is why I never trample over anyone elses. And also, I'm disappointed that my friends turned out this way. To those who honestly try, my heart does go out to you.

We say things that hurt one another, often wanting to be righteous blabbering the truth. I understand the care and concern that comes along with it but I simply can't appreciate the putting down, rubbing in, the snappy comments that follow soon after. IF I were really being critical about everyone? I'd make comments that'll mentally strip you right to the core feeling bare and vulnerable, empty, unwanted, unworthy naked on a cold quiet night. But I'd never want to hurt anyone. I don't have some inferiority complex.

Imagine if I banned you from doing, loving, having something you hold close to you. I run them over with a ten ton truck with spikes jutting out of the wheels. I'd like to see if you still love me after.

Here's a shout out to all of you from me.

xx
D

Just a little bit more

2011-03-06T22:49:00.001+08:00

My weekend or rather week flew by rather quickly. I'm back to school tomorrow, stationary and necessities bought. I remember how getting ready for a new term always seemed to be monumental on all our calenders. With everything new and a sense of gratification knowing you have checked all you could check on that little list most of us keep in our heads. You name it, we have it.

All I did have to get was stationary actually. I've been on an avid quest searching high and low for a certain pencil box I want, I settled for something simpler and well, transparent for the meanwhile. My mom gave me a limited ed longchamp over the weekend, its gorgeous and I have about 5 now haha.

Troubles shall return tomorrow when I awake, having to get what should've been done a long time ago. I am thoroughly disappointed and pissed at Curtin Singapore for I don't know what reasons they have, but they always leave loopholes in between their system and never seem to follow up on what they do. They require some kind of brutual push to get the job done and frankly, I feel like i'm that force. I have classes tomorrow and I haven't yet enrolled for them because the system doesn't allow me to, considering how I've already made payment for the entire semester.

I really am starting to think 2011 isn't my year, or maybe i'm too exclusive a sheep or was it goat?

And my pretty rings I oh so love.
xx
D

Visual Diary: Tuesday the 1st.

2011-03-02T01:40:00.000+08:00

Afternoon sipping a peach up, looking through coffee tarrots, talking about all there is to, returning close to heritage having chicken rice and to elsewhere foreign but home to many as the night and people start to pour in. The colours, lights is quite a sight to be seen. Got my nails done sometime throughout the day. Till now, I can't tell whether its grey or brown. Had my very first chapati today and I must say, it kinda grows on you.

I'm gonna read myself to sleep.

Sleep tight everyone.
D.

I have made this songs for you

2011-02-28T00:35:00.001+08:00

The countdown to school begins. I forsee myself drowning in work, sleeping at odd hours and being so focused, with aims as straight as a bullet. To be honest, I miss it. I miss the me that gets so sucked into work, being glued in my seat facing my good ol' lappy typing essays that really means almost nothing to majority of the people in world.

I had a conversation with a friend today and he did make sense. More than I wanted him to. The truth pierces through you like no other. I have so many posts about reflection, I feel old and sappy. I guess I should never leave the past behind before respecting, coming to terms and facing it mentally. I could never run, I may have been an athelete before but boy does age and physical atrributes slow you down or what.

Excuses, D. Truth is, I'd never run cause I know how the past has a neck for coming back for you. Much like a boomerang. You either beat it dead or put up with a rally all your life. Well, for me, I'm certainly not picking the latter.

Here's to my last week of freedom and a good week for all you kitties.

xx
D

A tea party

2011-02-26T11:38:00.000+08:00

My weeks been busy trying to sort everything out and I'm more or less confident to say that i'm staying in Singapore to do my second semester! I'll be off in July instead. Everyday's been filled with so much worry anticipating news from both Singapore and Perth. Thank god the ordeal is finally over now. At times I think I am in so much denial when I keep telling myself, "2011 is still gonna be a great year. One step at the time D." And I recieve news that just dooms the spirit. No I don't get suicidal thoughts, I'm not that critical haha.

Its a Saturday and I'm heading out in a bit! Such a busy day. Please stay sunny!

You obviously haven't even taken an inch in to growing up and being the person you are suppose to be. Or rather what everyone makes you out to be. Not just coming from me but from several, you prefer to dwell, deny the befalling of events and call that process a transgression. Its quite amusing how when I revisit all these events, I can't help but smile at how unbelievably fradulent you are. I'm sure you will heighten in all aspects of life sooner or later. I like being optimistic. And if you don't? You were never my cup of tea.
I remember distinctively admiring the scent of the tea but disfavoring its taste.

Just a few pictures from dinner last night.

Have a good weekend guys!

xx
D.

Bad to reality

2011-02-22T07:12:00.000+08:00

My week begins on a terrible note. I'm checking air tickets, trying to enrol for my classes, emailing back and forth, making overseas calls all at the eleventh hour. What ticks me off the most is when people don't know what they're blabbering about and conveying mountains of trash information. A misunderstanding would be an understatement. I'm suppose to get up in 2 hours to rush to places and get everything ironed out.

What's keeping me in my seat, fingers away from the eject button really has been my parents and well funny as it sounds, my ipod. Music keeps me sane when I feel fiery. Maps does the trick just right. I am so grateful for having such a pair of wonderful parents who never fail to make me feel better about myself and the whole situation anytime, anyday. They're willing to pay for an extra semester if things don't fall in all the right places and they constantly remind me how much they love me, that I could have them back anytime I felt I needed someone to count on.

2011 hasn't been all sunshine but I'm sure I'll see the sun after the rain is gone. There were sunny days to smile about and many more to come.
In the meanwhile I'm gonna try and huddle on back to bed, catch a little more shuteye before I take on a new day.

Breathe in, breathe out.
Now there, feel better?

Have a great week everyone!

D.

A toast to being forever young

2011-02-19T13:04:00.005+08:00

I've been at my macas breakfast for about two hours now. I've barely finished 2 pancakes and I don't feel hungry anymore. Lately everyone has been falling sick, I hope you all get better real soon. So my holiday's coming to an end and school resumes. I'm staying in the country for a semester and flying back to Perth in July to finish up my last two sems before I graduate! School's going to be a 5 day thing here which will take a little getting used to.

Just yesterday I was looking through the photos on my blackberry and I honestly do miss Perth. Even though home's here with everyone I can't help but want to go back so bad. Breakfast there always cheers me up, waking up to good ray of sunshine peeping through my windows and I miss my studying time the most. Being productive is so easy there, you have so much space to tabulate your thoughts without feeling even a pinch cluttered. I love how everything looks extraordinary through your viewfinder. You can swing your camera around while having it around your neck with the timer on. Each and every picture looks just, perfect.

We celebrated Joel's 20th birthday. His girlfriend planned the whole party. From gifts to party favors to cake, food, everything. It was good catching up with everyone again. Sometimes it amazes me how we've been friends for 7 years, how time really does fly by. I don't think of it on a daily basis but everytime I attend a birthday party or an event, it never fails to remind me of the times we fought over trivial things, got mad at one another or played ice queen. How we've all grown past that, recently beginning to sight into our futures. Getting into stable relationships, planning financially ahead, boy do I make us sound old. We're 20 this year, a big step into the 2s. Having graduated 4 years ago with the memory of us having spent so much time among one another brings a smile to my face. Whenever I ramble about age, responsibilites stop by to take a leak. It saddens me how we're leaving our teenagehood behind, where fun has been an essential part of our lives. A huge part of all our lives thus far in fact. I'm not ready to give that all up yet. I don't anyone ever is. So here's to always having the kid in you!

Off to have jap for lunch! Yum.
Have a great weekend everyone!

xx
D.

Temptation

2011-02-16T04:51:00.003+08:00

Temptation arises, building disguises we all fail to overcome.
Be it person we admire, a slip in our personalities or the arrival of something new, no one fully unearths the ability to understand the threads it reaps. We see it the end of a tunnel, anticipating, discerning the thrill, inching towards knowing very well of its intentions and that when a new day comes where we're left, our faces to the morning sun, is when our wallets and hearts go empty from too hefty a price to pay.

Shape shifter

2011-02-12T07:23:00.003+08:00

I shape shift. I follow the dark, lonely, brilliant with intensity. You feel my inhabitance surround you, slowly, surely I will cleave in to the pits of your being eradicating all judgements, assumptions, thoughts and fill them with animosity so great you will never ever again see the light of day.

Unable to see what you've turned in to.
Visionless to grasp on to the reasons of hope.
Blind to see the it is I who have destroyed you.

I lurk in everyone of you and till the very day when distaste befalls upon you, I will be patiently waiting.
Ready to catch you with open arms.

D.

I'd stop the world from moving, the clock's from turning

2011-02-10T02:25:00.004+08:00

The sun sets spilling a cup of sundown as you board your train home.

At every stop you see faces, expressionless strangers, others oddly familiar. The rest just muffled modulations tossed about alongside the train as it hits the tracks all in supersonic moments. You look out the window, facing you are blurred lines of grey and black. All you see is a reflection, an image of yourself and many others staring back at you. Focusing, you study your lineaments. Cracks and scars of debates you've endured pushed beneath your eyes, creases stippled in to your forehead. You can't help but wonder if there was a way these scars would take their leave. Heaving a sigh, you look away only to remind yourself that you wouldn't be where you were if you weren't such a fighter. You return your line of sight to your reflection and it does the same. You both can't help but break in to a smile.

I haven't had much time to photograph lately. Or rather I haven't been bursting with inspiation. So I had xlb for dinner today and its been awhile since my last! I was so bloated by the end of dinner we could barely finish what we ordered. Its always fun having dinner with friends.

Here's a couple of food photos. The past few days have been going really great. I'm feeling better than ever and no, i'm not ready to give that all up. Not anywhere close.

A song you should all check out.
Cary brothers - lonliest girl in the world.

xx,
D.

Finis

2011-02-08T01:23:00.006+08:00

Everything at your fingertips. You plan the scenes, you write the script, you direct the movie. You're the godfather, you call all the shots, you create characters you wish existed, you eliminate those who threaten to bring your empire down. In the process you leave a trail of blazing destruction without having to worry that what you've destroyed will ever live to take its revenge.

I've decided to brand this as a chapter. So one day i'll look back, remember why I chose to move forward, to see better days. I should roughly fill in the details. Just so you know i'm blogging about my experiences not to express any source of enmity towards any of the parties. I just felt that its a valuable experience to share.

If you've been an avid reader and follower you would've know I stopped dating Sean last year in November. I started dating Lenard soon after and things were like how every relationship begins, smooth sailing. Everyone calls it the honey moon period. Everything was going pretty great till the lying began. Within a short period of time it escalated to cheating and the other party and I were having a rough time trying to figure out whether Len was being true. I thought I knew him for the person he was having spent months with him in Perth. The side that I knew plunged down from the surface the moment he returned to Singapore.

Within the entire duration, I tried my best to be as understanding as I could. Trying to empathise with his actions. His actions were repetitive and everytime the truth floated to the surface, he would apologise. Apologises don't matter as much to me unlike before because lately with everyone, it has lost its significance being overly poorly imposed time and time again. He would not express the details of his actions so I assumed they were alike the previous times. Just about yesterday I managed to glean answers I was probably never meant to know. I thank the other party for having been so honest with me. For filling the void I never saw. Though Len told me I was never the third party, from where I stand it does seem very much so. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have been kept in the dark. I don't need my questions to be answered. In fact, I believe I already have all the answers, placed in my hands.

I'm not mad, neither am I upset. I find it no picnic to sit and dwell at where I stand. I believe that this can be added to my book of experiences which will help me to grow as an individual. And to anyone who is going through a situation similar to this, look and pluck up the courage to be steadfast and move forward. Again, I stress on honesty. Maybe i'm old fashioned or maybe i'm just extremely particular about the regulations of being truthful. But one thing's for sure, no one likes being lied to.

So to Len, if you ever are reading this. I know you'll live from the guilt. But I hope you will take this as a lesson where you realise that all our actions have consequences. I tried my best to be as understanding as I could and for you to just take full advantage of that portrays how immature and shallow your thoughts are. You may be 25, but you certainly don't act your age. Not having the courage expresses how much of a coward you are. How you're afraid to face the course of your actions. I honestly thought you were better than that. However, I wish you well.

I thank the people who have always been supportive of me in my time of need. And to the nosey ones who have been giving me a hard time, I hope you will come to realise that everyone is not who they make themselves out to be. That there are two sides or maybe three to every story so please find the good in yourselves to seek the truth before you decide to oppress anyone. I do not appreciate you pressing yourselves against my problems. If you truly do care for each and every one of us like you make yourselves to be, you would try and comprehend that we're old enough to handle situations like these on our own.

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,
D.

the word spins madly on

2011-02-06T17:34:00.003+08:00

Lately, whenever I'm feeling contemplative or in the mood to focus, I tuned in to this song titled "The word spins madly on". It gets me right to work, it pushes me to pick myself up in a bad moment and roll on forward. We always like to believe there will be a better tomorrow. That one morning, everyone will wake up and decide to make change.

I thank you for doing me a favour. For all the things I may know or may not, time will do me justice and prevail. I slept a good solid 9 hours and my mind feels fresh, ready to take on another day. Sometimes I wish life would give me a break, that everyone would hold their truths and lies for a day so we'd all live to the fullest. To set our differences apart, to not hope but know that tomorrow will be a better day, without a single ounce of doubt.

Questions arise on a daily basis and we can't help but question the meanings of our lives, we'd sit hard in thought trying to lay all the pieces together. We're never able to answer all the questions we've always wanted or will want to cause, we're still here. Maybe the day we lay down with our eyes closed forever will we be able to answer life's enquires, to forsee a better tomorrow.

And when that happens, we're free.
Today, tomorrow or whenever.
With or without you or me, the world still spins madly on.

D

Like all before

2011-02-05T00:03:00.004+08:00

A toast to a brand new lunar new year!
I haven't blogged for over a week now, with barely any real time on my hands. A couple days ago, I decided to start a written journal where I gather all my scattered thoughts throughout the day and channel them down in words minutes before I turn in for the night. I'd like to see what I've collected at the end of the year.

Things have been looking up. I sincerely hope they stay uplifted this time. I realise that remaining disappointed and enraged at the mistakes people make gets you no where. Its these mistakes that make you a stronger individual. More often a painful experience, we feel like hell is brought on to earth scorching our souls with each passing day. The heart ache leaves you stoned, hands and feet cold. What's hurts most is when your faith in someone diminishes ruining future opportunites, hopes and dreams. We forget that we're all equally small. That everyone was given the same attributes. I hope they come back down to earth, have a look around and realise how small we truly are.

I hope your Chinese new year has been coming on great with all that visiting and red packets! Have a great weekend.

1. Florence and the machine - Blinding
2. Kings of Convenience - My ship isn't pretty
3. Mike Posner - Halo
4. Anberlin - Miserabile visu
5. Ellie Goudling - Under the sheets

D.

You, me and everyone else.

2011-01-26T14:43:00.004+08:00

The rain seems to be as fickle as we all are now a days.

I've been feeling better, trying to look on the up side of things. There really is no point dwelling. I think I'm going to take a break from trying to figure people out. Lately my take with personal relationships have been horrible.

It just occured to me that i'll be celebrating Vday alone this year after such a long time! I'm actually excited. Just to sidetrack for a second, cheese doughnuts are so yum! I've been having doughnuts all day, the round ones on a stick and the ordinary circular one. I am such a doughnut addict. Glazed truly is the best!

Misunderstandings occur, more often than we'd like to think so. And when the time comes for you to really shine, you do your best to gleam as brightly as the sun. Its sad to say I feel disappointed that you choose to see your reasons before mine. But that's really just you. I don't blame you for the choices you make. I don't blame you for anything else actually. And I most certainly, don't blame myself for having did what I did.

So you see, that's where misunderstandings come in. There's you and there's me, then there's everybody.

I hope the days take for a turn. I miss the sun.

Oh f*cking great ep 1

2011-01-24T08:52:00.006+08:00

So today I woke up with a heavy heart.
This post is going to be filled with a lot of angst so if you don't want your day ruined, I suggest you close your browser.

There are things about people that I don't get at all. Yeah sure I get that people may count many things different important to them but in exchange of comprehending theirs, aren't they supposedly asked to do the same? Its stupid how one person can ruin everything. How weak people can truly be when it comes right down to them to shine. But somehow when it comes down to me, I may falter a little here and there but at least I get my fucking feet back on the shitty ground. Its like, my feelings don't count but everyone else's does? I'm starting to think that people are generally the same. How honesty doesn't seem to burn anymore in everyone I see. How trust is just a word people decide to recide in just because its always been an important element in a relationship. Come on, don't just fucking say it if you don't mean it. Trust IS an important element to me. I do give two friggin' shits about honesty, I do know what i'm looking for.

Being pre percieved just pisses me off even more. For the past few months I've dealt with this with what feels like a million times. Everywhere I go, I feel prying eyes trying to get to me. Maybe my paranoia does get the better of me sometimes but there is no doubt that how I feel never is taken to account. Again, I stress that. How people percieve me affects the way you look at me cause from what I've seen so far, you falter so much easier than I do. And just because I don't turn up one day when you're feeling so down, I get crucified for it. Oh right, nice. How about the times you let me down? Have you ever spared a thought to how I felt? I sincerely doubt so. You give me a reason saying you're a private person. I felt that wasn't enough to cover the damage but I still accepted it. Now I tell you I was frustrated and I needed a friend to confide in and to figure out why I was down and you tell me thats not good enough.

I told you I did want to look for you. I even planned on bringing over comfort food and suggested we head out for a walk and talk so you'd feel better. Rather than being imprisoned at home and feeling mellow. Then, I realised that I forgot you had a test. You tell me you trust me but not him but it seems like you've placed us both under the same category and I will not stand by that. If thats how you choose to percieve me, I really can not be bothered less. I won't push for approval. I'm fucking tired of trying to please people, to take their problems in to consideration and leave mine at the door mat right before I enter their homes.

This is just stupid. I feel like I'm fighting for all the wrong people and reasons. You know when you wish there was someone different and he just seemed to come along, well I've got awesome news for you. HE does not exist. Well at least for me or maybe i'm just bitter and pissed currently.

I think I am going to die with a million cats by myself in an old shabby apartment on lonliness avenue.
Haha.

And that concludes my first episode on oh f*cking great.
D.

Have a great weekend

2011-01-22T09:15:00.004+08:00

Morning everyone!

I'm going to make it an effort to not have this post not written in code. To all my readers, holla! How has 2011 been for you guys? Mine's been pretty alright so far. A couple of bumps over the month but hopefully things will roll on smoothly with the upcoming months to anticipate! It's 9.17 in the am now and I'm dead bored. I've been scouting for good music to listen to all morning and looking up a screenwriting programme by Sinema Academy of Moton Pictures. I haven't landed on much yet but it does seem quite appealing to me. Speaking of appeal, I've applied for a transfer to do my next semester in Singapore! They havent't gotten back to me, probably by next Thursday. I'm actually kinda bummed about not going back, though its not written in stone yet. A part of me wants to stay but a whole other portion can't wait to leave! Len's excited, he's like "you're gonna stay!" Hahaha he's so adorable, really. I realise I haven't given Len a proper introduction. Len's short for Lenard if you must know. I won't tell you his life story cause well..that would be intrusive but he's 5 years older than I am and a total sweetheart. Mmm. Almost.

I hope 2011 has been rubbing off well for everyone! So far this year, I've lost a good friend due to different mindsets, applied for an appeal to stay in Singapore, became friends with Sean, spent loads of time bonding with those I missed, met a great deal of people and started exercising much regularly. There's more I would like to do, so lets give time the liberity to come on by.

Here's a great year to everyone!

If you're heartbroken, roll off bed and dry your tears. Firstly you look awful. Secondly, get dressed and mend that broken heart with the love from your friends and family. You're more than amazing. Perk up. He can continue taking hikes cause you're already scalling moutains baby haha.

If you're upset for what ever the reason may be. Remember, there are just as many reasons to smile about, so chin up, look around and start looking for those reasons. Everything has a silver lining. Turn that frown upside down! Everyone's been missing that smile they haven't seen in a long while.

With much love,
xoxo

D.

I hate this part right here

2011-01-19T02:29:00.004+08:00

I'd like to blindfold myself.

So I could feel how beautiful everything truly is. The bark of an oak tree standing tall for a hundred over years, feeling the rain as it thrusts like needles to the ground, the tremble of vibrations as people walk by, the thumping of a heart as it beats life to every inch of a body, drawing mental pictures of faces you've felt imagining the beauty that lies beneath the core of your palms.

For one day I'd like to walk with my eyes closed.
So I don't have to look at anything and everyone in the face and watch their lies burn their lives black while I pretend to try and see golden silk streaks in their almost hollow fixated souls.

Cause truly, the world stands still as it watches us turn to transparencies before we one day disappear only in to the unreachable invisible.

D.

No excuse

2011-01-18T04:26:00.004+08:00

Truly, there are things we can never comprehend.
Why people behave or think the way they do. What or who triggers these thoughts.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and at times we may disagree or never learn about them. We all grow to learn the nature of respecting thoughts and their carriers. Through this timeline, we gain and lose people we once loved or those who we never got a chance to. Bitter as the end may seem, there is no right or wrong, no triumphant or cry of defeat.

If you wish to count the rights and wrongs, you can claim all wins. There is no last say, no scarasm, no discouragement. I'm past being a friend. If you say that all you were doing was thrashing how you felt, I advise you take a good read at what you said before you second that. No, I wasn't trying to reconcile. Again, I have my reasons for not wanting to and I don't have to explain them to you cause clearly, you say to each its own but you can't even respect my opinions. You say I want to be right and live righteously, maybe I do. I want to do the right thing and not be biased to how I feel so at the end of it all, I don't hurt anyone. I may sound like i'm calling praises but I'm not.

As we get older, we learn to be responsible for ourselves. We gain guidance from the people around us and they make us better people. We lift each other up from time to time but friends never make decisions for one another. Don't blame anyone if you have difficulties getting past things. Don't question our whereabouts when you were the one who decided to eliminate everyone and don't say to each its own when you can't even respect everyone else's thoughts. If my efforts were not ample in your context, I apologise.

For being entitled to my own opinions, that I don't apologise for.
If you want to have the last say or if you feel that you're right, go ahead, pin a golden star across your heart and victory is yours.

I thank you for all your efforts, for being a friend no matter the reason or cause. I truly am grateful.

D.

artist in math

2011-01-16T07:12:00.008+08:00

Today the world has you tangled in its webs.
Tomorrow you will dip yourself in colors and paint all that is grey.
The day after you will paint a rainbow in everyone you meet.
And the many days that come after, you will teach anyone and everyone to paint.

To paint frowns upside down.
To paint hearts.
To paint sceneries.
To paint emotions.
To paint love.
To paint life.
To paint hope.
To paint belief.

So be a good artist.
Do the world a favour and paint it up with colours it has never seen.

D.

Ritual

2011-01-15T08:51:00.003+08:00

With the sun up in your eyes you call the exit of dusk. You take refuge under the sheets with your eyes shut tight in efforts to elude day, face tucked to your side where an only too recurring face staring right back at you, lids enveloping slumber.

You give thanks for the day was good, for the fruits every dawn breaks.
You find apologies for all the wrongs you've made, the bads you can never consolidate.
You pray for the love in all aspects of life.
And lastly, before you leave reality's troubles behind, you give thanks for the recurring face that you'll always live to apprise.

D.

I wonder, where you are now.

2011-01-12T04:52:00.006+08:00

Everything begins with a step. One day you find yourself on your feet walking unsteadily reaching out to grasp extended assuring arms and the next, you find yourself running away from the harms of life.

Baby steps may take just a little while more but at the end of the day, you get there. Stumbling, at times unsure of obstacles to come but never enquiring doubt regarding your determination. As seconds tick by, they merge to minutes, stretching to hours and developing in to days, time provides us with the luxury to carefully segretate our thoughts where options lie, new paths to start brand new, to push on. Time aids in the trangression of the memories we contemn so we fill ourselves to the brim during this progession to furthermore eliminate negativity.

What truly baffles me is how and why people rely on time to discount all their troubles. They say "time heals all wounds" when, they devote all their time recollecting these thoughts knowing its damage, pain and misery that follows on with it. Why choke yourself with such dismay?

I always find it imperative to be true to yourself. There are times when we lose track of ourselves, we do what the heart tells us leaving our minds behind. But I believe that one fine day, you will awake, open your eyes and you will question what you've been doing all along.

Now the real question is, are you going to keep doing it?

D.

Under the weather

2011-01-10T01:23:00.003+08:00

I'm sitting in front of the television all wrapped up in my blankie watching oprah on hallmark. My nose is clogged right up to my eyes, my head feels as light as a feather, the fever is getting to me yet I'm still in the mood for a magnum gold.

Lots has been running through my mind lately questioning my future, prospective deicisions. Its like a neverending maze in there. Before I sign off, have a great week everyone, I'll update soon. Don't you ever get tired of me speaking in codes?

Goodnight all.
Love, D.

Be the first in line

2011-01-04T04:00:00.004+08:00

The air is quiet I can't help but embrace it. Its really quiet solemn nights like these the air stays obsessed with its surroundings choosing to trifle. I've missed long senseless conversations. Its been years since I've had someone special who could stay on the other end of the line and listen to me laugh, ramble about anything and everything. An audio clearance is all that's required. You miss the audio perceptions, imagination, expressions. I just got off the phone with Len and I realised how much I missed that. It makes me feel like a kid again, how the pre dating scheme plays out.

I love being overwhelmed. How the simplest supplements build bonds, how you find yourself smiling, marvelling over a second, a word, a smile. If I had it my way, I wished you could've seen how simple it was. The beauty of simplicity. What ever you are dreaming of, breathing in, I hope that love finds you well. That you are deep in slumber.

For whom I have never had a connection with till now, I wish life catches on with you. That everyone is destined for great instruments, ready to pluck notes from scores you write. My apologies will never find the strength to reach you. So from where I am, I'm sorry. Twisted as things may seem, they will get better. I wish you well.

Goodnight everyone.
D.

Update

2011-01-02T19:19:00.004+08:00

The first weekend of 2011 comes to an end, the fun subsides and school resumes. Everyone has a list of resolutions, wanting to accomplish and conquer more. As we get older, responsibilites pour in, emotions run, seriousness becomes a norm. All I really can wish for 2011 is that it'll sum up to another great year.

My luck with cameras and memory cards haven't been the best. About 500 of my photos are lost, hopefully retrievable. In that compliation lies my birthday, zoo, kinky party photos and a minority of christmas photos. My laptop wants me to reformat my card for some unseen reason. I have no idea but it could be a reasonable excuse to get it changed.

Firstly i'd like to thank everyone who wished me a merry christmas, a very happy birthday and a splendid new years and secondly, to those who splashed all their efforts into making my birthday such a fun filled memorable one.

D.

To new beginnings

2010-12-31T20:53:00.002+08:00

Its sad that 365 days of 2010 has gone by. Another year fleeting pass us all. Both good and bad memories linger, friends made and some lost. A new beginning dawns upon us tomorrow so let's embrace the break of a day, leaving all that is lost in its place, pushing forward unachieved goals, unfulfilled desires in hope of accomplishing the impossible.

Here's to a new year.
Thank you all my readers for being ever so loyal through the years.

Love,
D.

19th Christmas

2010-12-26T06:08:00.003+08:00

Surprised with a cake decorated specially alongside with macarons surrounding it, came home the first photo Len and I took together in a frame, a sunflower, letter and a message Len and Susan drew on my window.

To everyone who has made my 19th so memorable only 6 hours into it, thank you so much. I am thoroughly grateful.

So here's a memorable 19th to myself and all others who share the same birthday as I do!
Merry Christmas everyone.
And thank you Len for making it so heartfelt, you're such a sweetheart I can barely take it!

D.

Better late than never

2010-12-21T05:03:00.004+08:00

Whenever I look back, I can't help but remember all the things I wanted. The little gestures that would last a life time accompanied with the thought that no matter repeated a thousand times in your head feels even sweeter than the first.

Time check. 5.10am

I'm actually smiling to myself right now. This feels so silly.

Len has been asking me to check my mail so I suppose it was another snail mail with his heartfelt scriblings on them which required a tinsy pinch of decoding. I just happened to remember that I was suppose to check it so I did.

There was a maroon envelope with my address, name, an air mail chop and a christmas island stamp on it. It looked a5 just slightly squareish. As much as I wanted to rip the envelope apart, I tried to remain composed for another minute or two and took a snap of it for memories.

I slid the card out and on it said, "Better late than never".
By then I already had a smile fixated on my face anticipating. So I flipped it open and as I read word after word, all that kept running through my mind was how he took the trouble to look for a card, get it mailed to me on his last day before he saw me the next, planned a gift, in perfect timing. On the card, he mentioned how the "past" him was communicating with the "present" me through snail mail and that if there were any rotten events in my future, he'd repair the present in hope of a better outcome. How he's grateful for the trust I've entitled him with and wished me a Happy Birthday in advance.

He stayed over the past weekend so sometimes I go over to my luggage to look for stuff. I did see something loosely wrapped with black paper but never quite bothered cause I thought it belonged to him. Just 10 minutes ago I realised that it was for me! Hahaha. Initially I was suppose to ask him for the present in person, even though that didn't fall through, i'm still thoroughly surprised. So now, we both have the same pair of shark pants from Peter Alexander!

The littlest things can mean so much.
Thank you Len.
<3

Goodnight everyone.
My week has begun on a good note.
D.

Tongues

2010-12-19T05:21:00.003+08:00

Everyone's having a merry time and I'm sitting out tabulating my thoughts. I'm not quite sure if it's my moodswings affecting my clear or if it's truly what I'm feeling. It's starting to settle a little but I'm pushing it above barely sustaining it's weight. During moments like these, my mind feels low, mellow and monotoned. I want to believe in my decisions, to have confidence but my animosities are getting in the way.

It feels like nothing is ever settled even after so much time. Am I truly contended with what I have? Am I ever going to see the greater good in everything and everyone? My emotions feel still, my toes clinging onto the chair as I hear chatter turn to muffles everywhere. The fan lashing breaths of winds in my face don't seem to bother me anymore. All I need is something, something to clear my mind.

To keep my spirits up.
To tell me that I'm doing the right thing.
That retracing should never be done.

One step, maybe two.
?
Remember.

I'm pushing it all aside. I think I'm getting pretty good at it.

D.

Monotones

2010-12-17T00:53:00.002+08:00

There are moments you spend watching the sky trying to make out shapes the clouds, the air conditioning smells fresh, the chatter muffled, your eyes gleaming upwards gradually scrolling down as you watch the traffic pass you by. Sometimes it goes by so fast all you see are smudges. You enjoy the ride and wish it never would end. You see dragons, bunnies and even faces of people you don't recognise.

Those are fleeting moments.

As we all get older, we realise that everything is hard. And when you feel like you're slowly breaking down, cracks penetrating the strength of your walls, you seek help. Its okay to fall or to cry, we all do that but when you seek help and help reaches out to you, grab it before like you've never done before, pull it close to you and move forward. Living in the same tile, enclosed by the same space never gets you anywhere. Build a bridge and get over it. Cause if all you're gonna do is cry from afar whilst refusing to budge, no one will ever be given the opportunity to help you. At times like this, create opportunites to save yourself. Those who have wronged you will realise. Today. Tomorrow. Someday.

D.

A weekend in summer

2010-12-13T13:53:00.005+08:00

December's been great so far! Things have been picking up, the holidays going by amazingly quick but time spent has been well spread out.

On Saturday we celebrated Lorna's 19th. We had a late xiao long bao buffet which was yum! Pity I didn't have much of an appetite but I still had a couple of baskets. Len's back from perth, he got me a strawberry which I sort of or rather could say devoured on my own. The dinner was a success and everyone came over for drinks after. I totally crashed on everyone and headed to bed while they were at their peaks! Was too tired to even change I had to get up in the middle of the night to take a bath. Everyone looked their best, boys too dashing, girls too drop dead beautiful! The smiles on everyone's faces was enough credit for me, the preparation and gathering of everyone was tough especially with only a day's notice. But all was good.

Len stayed over for the weekend, I think we all spent more time awake then asleep! I had dinner with his family yesterday and he gave me a private tour of the mint museum. We didn't get to cover all the floors cause we were running late for dinner. Dinner was thai, really yummy thai. We caught Crazy Christmas 2010 by Dream Academy Playhouse. Its an amazing play, the humour element left me tearing after every item! I couldn't help but burst into the ugliest laughters whilst kicking myself.

That concludes my weekend! How was yours?

D.

path of wrinkles

2010-12-10T07:48:00.006+08:00

--

Yesterday evening, I met an old woman who looked very much like any old woman you'd see strolling down the streets of Singapore. Bag in hand, wrinkly skin up right to the eyes, a smile that was warm, giving and friendly. She looked visibly harmless, you would think she'd never hurt a fly.

She came up to my friend and I, handed us a letter and kindaly asked if we could interpret the contents of the letter to her. My mandarin isn't very fluent so my friend had a good read of the letter before proceeding to decipher and translate its contents. As I watched the expression on the old woman's face, anxiety ran through her little frame, her eyes lit up like a child waiting for candy on a rainy day. Looking to and fro between my friend and the old woman, I knew the news that everyone was anticipating was something big.

My friend placed the letter back down on the table and gave me a glance before she began.

"Aunty, the letter says that they will have to deal with your son's case before they can start helping him look for a proper job".

Her face sunk, so did her heart, you could see right through her. Her eyes became as dull as the blackness of the night, tears were starting to form behind her eyes but she forced a straight face. She heaved a thanks with a smile.

She then proceeded to say,
"My son has been in prison for 2 and half years. They assured me that they would start helping him look for a job. Its hard to self sustain but I get by by selling tissues . They tell me I have to see him twice a month, each time bringing books for him costing $12. Where can I get that money? My daughters, they blame me for everything that has happened and they don't provide for me financially. In fact, they've told me I am the one to blame for getting pregnant so young, being unwise. What have I done wrong? At this time, her voice was getting shakey but she still stayed firm. I stay at home and have a good cry all the time, I was crying all day today but I stopped because I had to go and sell tissues. Everyone has labeled me as a terrible mother. When they were younger, when they were hurt, who nutured them back to solid health? Who was always there? I'm 77 years old this year. It's not easy. There is this one social worker whose constantly helping me and I appreciate her help. She is such a good person. Annie, yes Annie's her name. My children have left me to fend for myself. Its honestly tough going around selling tissues. Others think i'm trying to stir pity but I'm not."

At this point she stopped herself cause one of our friends came by. She thanked the both of us for helping her out and told us to be good. After she left, I ran the details by my friend. Then I realised that the old lady who looked happy and wholesome was actually a mother who felt worthless to her children, a twisted truth that slowly began to take a toll on her but yet she is still trying desperatly to make ends meet. Her heart being ran over a trillion times That is one hell of an amazing mother and woman.

I know she probably won't remember me but after this little experience, I feel its a need to constantly remind yourself that your actions have consequences. Before you dive into anything, consider the little side effects that may possibly occur. No one deserves to pay for your mistakes or take responsibility just because you're too much of a coward to do so or because you're simply selfish. Your parents are people who have raised you, you are naturally obliged as their children to only allow them the grace to age gracefully. To provide for them what they have provided for you. The everyday struggles they go through just to ensure you are raised in a good enviroment deserves at least some credit. Before you start slashing or getting into a gang fight, perhaps stealing, lying any negative trait of that sort, think thoroughly. Is it all that worth it? You do know that you are the only one getting hurt in the end don't you?

Do your best to not hurt the people around you and at most, don't hurt yourself.

So here's a good morning to thank god its Friday! Have a splendid weekend everyone.
And lastly, thanks mom and dad.

D.

Pricey but worth it

2010-12-07T01:37:00.003+08:00

Things have been alright for me so far. In fact I would say they're looking up. Its been clear blue skies but summer's going by fast. I was actually thinking of going back a little earlier but everyone's making me to stay. Catching up with everyone has been great. Same old scribbles, same old ways. I've finally done the almost impossible. I've turned my body clock back around! Now, i'm awake at the right times and I sleep as early as 9.30pm. My body feels great, a lot more receptive and i'm beginning to appreciate the sun even though my skin doesn't exactly persist me to.

I've also done some tweaking for my layout if you notice. Its a lot more compact and wordy looking. December's here, another year soon to go by, another year added to my age baggage. I'll be 20 next year sometimes I wish time would slow down. How January never seems to roll, how we anticipate June. But when December arrives, the holidays kick in then we realise that yet another year has gone by. Friendships gained, some lost, unachieved goals get pushed to the next year in hope of recollecting self worth or to attain respect.

2010 has been memorable. I got my license, went to university and broke a cycle which I never quite thought could be broken. 2011 is going to be better. I am going to embrace whatever comes my way, take the broken out of them and focus on linings i think i'm still new to.

We all have to start somewhere, don't we?

Seasons change

2010-12-04T05:14:00.004+08:00

I have this undying love for looking through old photos and reminiscing as laughter, memories and bitter squalls fill my mind. Sometimes in life when you feel the neverending weight of responsibilites hanging over your shoiulders, don't you just want to give in, give up and live in peace?

Or have you ever felt like you were stuck in a mess and you would rather remain still, in hope, praying that an answer will come to your silent pleas.

Its funny how you wish someone was someone they were not, how you wish the sun would stay up longer so you didn't have to go home, how curfews should never be given the permission to exist, how you wish to find that one true person you can see yourself loving for the rest of your life and for him to do the same only with more precision, passion and sincerity. We wish for so many things. Within all the layers of life, the different aspects, its like a neverending family tree. You are the core of this gimongous plant, but how with the slightest defect in any branch shakens you. You want to be taken care of, spoken to, reminded of how special you are.

Well i'm reminding you that you are.
We're all trees in an orchard waiting to bloom every spring, to find love in summer, to fall even deeper in the autumn and to cuddle in the winter.

Here's good night from Hazel and I.
Have a great weekend!
D.

Say what you mean

2010-12-01T05:25:00.013+08:00

So i finally got around to getting my video up on photobucket! I'll update with something productive soon.

If its one thing I love about a guy its him writing me letters. I love it when you wake to a surprise letter that boosts your spirits as you get ready for the day. And it gets better when you can keep reading the same words over and over again. Without fail, it paints a smile on your face.

10 songs you should listen to,
1. A fine frenzy - Elements
2. Symmetry and Ryan Lewis - Feel right
3. Cascada - Because the night
4. The Temper Trap - Soldier On
5. Angus and Julia Stone - Big Jet Plane
6. A fine frenzy - Happier
7. Amy Meredith - Young at Heart
8. Mike Posner - Cheated
9. Dan Black - Wonder
10. The Wombats - Tokyo

Its 6am, goodnight everyone.
xx
D.

Where will you take me tonight?

2010-11-29T12:40:00.003+08:00

I never quite paid any attention to what's on my dashboard other than the new post and template link. Just about 15 minutes ago, I found out that blogger has statistical features! I've been using sitemeter for years, I never knew I had a stats counter so close to home. I decided to go into further detail and started rummaging through my stats, referals and I must say i'm surprised.

I want to thank everyone for reading this little journal of mine. For coming back on a daily basis just to read my ramblings, perspectives and nothings about life. Your company on this little turf of mine is greaty appreciated. Why am i surprised? I never thought this little shack would accumalate an average of 500 page views a day. It's not alot but it's something. With the material produced here, at times I feel that my thoughts aren't worth the read or time haha. So thanks a heap everyone. I couldn't help look at my referals and i'm doubly surprise to find people who have linked me on their blogs and to find that most of my readers use Safari browers haha.

Thank you for taking the time to comprehend my thoughts and ramblings.
With heaps of love,
D.

Friends

2010-11-28T09:04:00.003+08:00

I wonder,

how does someone change? Through it all, thick and thin i've always kept my end of the bargain and stuck by you. I did it not because I was suppose to but I felt you deserved every bit of me I could ever possibly give. We braved through different obstacles, mindsets, anything destructive that came in our way. All we had to do was to hold on to one another. As the years went by, you evolved into someone today I don't recognise anymore. The irony in all of this baffles me. I've watched you, provided love, respect, honesty and guidance when you needed me. How is it that you've educed into a stranger I can't even find means to believe you? When did the transition happen? I was right there. I never moved an inch. Did it take you one night to realise that you had to be more than what you already were or did a change of heart occur in a fragment of a second that led you to induce into a web of lies?

Its sad to say, 6 years we've stood by one another that the outcome has to finally come down to this. I don't know who i'm looking at anymore, if all is fiction or possibly fact. My heart has decided to stop playing tricks on me because its just as confused as I am. The letter you composed, i've easily read about 10 times now. The more i try to comprehend what you've penned down, the more it seems transparent. You've led me down a path where trust within the both of us is merely feasible, a path where I've learnt to turn stone cold and that in life, there are some things you simply let go of. I'm not choosing between any two. How can I ever see that you're sincere?

I need closure.
Closure to this chapter that's been going on for far too long.
Something new to breathe in.
After all, change is inevitable therefore we make do with it.

I feel happy.
D.

See it all for yourself

2010-11-25T20:00:00.004+08:00

There is so much under the sheets, awaiting to surface. I don't know if i'm ready for a new beginning, if i'm ready to take on something new. I love my new found liberity, the freedom to be who i am. If you think i'm all composed, prim and proper than you've got it all wrong. I yell whenever I feel like it, I believe that laughter truly is the best medicine and also possibly a cause of death if something is way too funny. Food is one whirlpool i'd gladly allow myself to get sucked into, I spend majority of my money investing in meals because I personally believe that food one of the ways to a person's soul. All friends are with benefits. They're the people will accompany you to places, drown you with encourgement till your guts even give in. They're the most amazing people however, it's a pity many don't correlate their significances with their lives. I think i smile a lot. I love poking fun at my friends and they only do the same in return so time spent becomes upbeat with laughter our remarks usually linger till the next meeting where we can continue our land slide voyage.

I think i'm generally quite reflective. It only seems positive to me. Haha the things i do when i'm feeling all quirky. I literally run and dive into bed. Literally.

Dinner's awaiting my arrival.
Have a great weekend everyone.

D.

Shine the light

2010-11-24T07:14:00.002+08:00

I'm heading over to Len's in a bit. We're gonna take Biscuit and Jack for a walk at the botanical gardens or something later on. I haven't had all that much sleep all night, just a 3 hour kitty nap at 11. I left my canele macarons out on the coffee table and the ants are having a go at them now. I've squeashed at least 10 soon to be a 100. My camera hasn't been put to much use lately considering my sleeping patterns i'm never up at the right time. I'm adapting to home pretty okay, loving the internet access, stacking up on movies, Tim Burton films to be exact.

I ought to go get ready!
Morning all.
D.

Sleepy sleeping

2010-11-21T10:42:00.004+08:00

Things that are usually in my bag.

My glasses, ear phones, extra camera jooz, a packet of tissue, key pouch, camera bag, wallet, hair pins, sunnies, hair ties, allergy cream, waterbottle and phone. Nowadays, i leave my confucious fortune at the back of my phone when its in its wrap. It makes me feel better.

On a Sunday, i'm home alone with Hazel as company as I watch the weather throw its weight around. The house is in a mess, nothing in place but i'm too tired to neat it all up. Late nights haven't been doing me justice, its funny how i never seem to sleep for more than 8 hours, therefore my naps are precious. I love it when everything's dark, as you drive along the highway you watch an army of lights lead you home. Just you sitting in the car with the radio playing a song you haven't heard in ages, you whip your head back and forth, get the lyrics wrong then laugh to yourself. Its fun being you. After all, no one's really as you-er than who else?

You of course.

D.

Time will come

2010-11-19T00:14:00.004+08:00

Hello from me to my dear readers. Its felt like awhile since I last did a proper entry. Life is looking up quite a bit, i'm trying to embrace most of it with the constant reminder that everything has a silver lining. I took my Public Relations paper today. My hands are exhausted from having to write so much within such a short time. Having to come up with hypothetical facts which are credible when you're sleep deprived isn't the easiest but i called upon my own doom. I'm nocturnal. Can't quite help it.

Everytime I listen to music i love, my heart actually beats faster and I get into this zone. Its so silly sometimes but no one's there to witness all that at 4am. I've been driving myself around more often now grasping confidence with each drive. I enjoy car rides on my own, it gives me the leisure to really look around at places I never did. I'm currently picture dry. So this entry's capcitated by words. I'm looking forward to doing something productive this summer. Perhaps really getting down to start my own online shop? Everyone's been asking if i'm getting around to that and when its all gonna fall in to place i'm beginning to feel a tad pressurized.

Also, i wanna thank everyone whose ever been there in my time of need. Your encouragements and love have driven me to where I am today and I like the path i'm seeing. Especially my parents who are the best. I love you guys.

Off to have dessert!
D.

We are who we are

2010-11-15T06:47:00.010+08:00

There are so many things to love. There's the essence of light, composure, atmosphere, emotion, the grip on moments and most of all, liberty to do whatever the fuck you want.

Master pieces.

Burn down in flames

2010-11-14T08:08:00.004+08:00

I run my fingers through your hair as you embrace me with the core of your physical fixation. The feeling is overwhelming, I feel like i'm being set on fire, ignited with an emotion that makes you feel full circle. Your head is spinning, whirling in monotone twirls where no words could fill the spaces. We lie awake stare into the darkness tossing verbal thoughts, dreams, as I lie on your chest listening to the live within you thumping rhythmically beneath the tip of my fingers. Your lids sealed shut from the hustle bustle of the world, you beathe in uncertain patterns, twitch at your dreams, I almost found joy spectating and studying your face as you sleep the night away. I loved the peace in saw in you.

Today morning, before I go to bed. I'm deserting the peace I once thought you ruled. I'm deserting the peace I once thought we ruled. I'm discarding my thoughts of you. I'm abandoning the person I am with you.
Why?

There was never peace.

"You know i'd do anything for you. I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain, yes i would die for you baby, but you won't do the same."

So you see, that's the difference between you and I.
I'd never catch a grenade for you.

Onboard

2010-11-11T11:44:00.003+08:00

As of this morning, i'm officially single and absolutely drama free. Through it all i've learnt that its good to see the better in everyone else but sometimes there's just too much ruin that the good is overcasted. Anyway i'm feeling okay but the weather's not. Its gloomy and grey which is making me slightly depressed haha. Life's been alright for me on the overall i have an exam in a week! My mind's exhausted, so are my eyes. Just thought i'd do a little update where i'm not writing in code. My room's still in a mess since i got back with my clothes cohabiting with the ground. I'm trying to recover photos from my compact flash card since there's been a error somehow. It'll be good if the unwanted got wiped out. I need to clear my photos anyway!

Everything's thought me a great deal but for now, i'm gonna enjoy my summer!
Alright i'm off to have lamb, teerah guys!
Italian for dinner l8r, yum can't wait.

Meaningless thoughts

2010-11-09T05:47:00.006+08:00

There are nights where I lay in bed with my face illuminated as I watch the spaces between the blinds light up segments of the room as though they were primarily different places fixated together. My eyes adjust to the flickering slashes of lighting as they tear and branch out into the sky. They cast light shadows in seconds at intervals I can never count or comprehend.

I listen to my iPod appreciating words and how they're strung together like perfectly beaded necklaces. The sound of breaths during the intervals of songs and crackling of the air conditioning as I stare at my phone while the world around seems like darkness. The black is beautiful. It takes my mind into a whirl with a pinch of nostalgia as I imagine things I never would during the midsts of day. These days I feel like I'm alone with music pounding it's way into my ears while I take my time to decipher people's thoughts. A ton on my heart as it presses against this invisible emotional base with my eyes drowning till I see everything in bokeh. I'm tired but my mind won't let me rest and it continues to question the same questions over questions I shut myself out of answering taking into comfort that Sean is next to me, asleep peacefully so therefore I should propose to do the same.

As I take gradual glances through the slit between both blinds, the sky painted orange, the wind rustling through shapeless trees, it puts me to ease. The clouds are high beyond reach lingering making decisions on when to embrace us as we sleep. My arms get tired of holding onto my phone above me and I begin rubbing my eyes till visions deform into smudges. "Meaningless thoughts is what I'm going to name this post", I tell myself. When the sun breaks, when we feel light creeping into our rooms or when we take refuge under the sheets, that's the beginning of a new day. That's the beginning of something new. So tonight I'm leaving my troubles on this wordy, meaningless box of text while I wait for the clouds to embrace my slumber. Till the dusk diminishes into dawn, I'm leaving my meaningless thoughts with no conclusion.

And I join the queue to your answer machine.

,D.

Where to?

2010-11-03T05:42:00.003+08:00

I don't know which way i'm suppose to spin, in this circle.

6.25am

2010-10-29T06:24:00.002+08:00

Hey guys! Its 6.25am, i just got home.I've been to and fro from school submitting my assignments over the last couple of days. The semester's coming to an end in about a week or so but i'm taking off cause I don't really have classes and im taking my exam back home. I'm going shopping later in the afternoon, lets hope i find some awesome steals! Well i'm off to take a shower before i turn in. Night!

Have a great Friday guys.
D.

Light up

2010-10-26T17:26:00.002+08:00

So reality has finally sunk in. I'm leaving in a couple of days time i'm already experiencing the holiday mood! My room's a huge mess from all the packing. I've gotta get my assignments printed and wha la, i'm done. Just thought i'd do a little post before i head out for dinner. At 5.30pm, i know. But people here do eat that early, besides i'm starved! I'm pinning for half priced waffles today! Mmm. Its the only Tuesday i've remembered so far.

To Sean. Happy 20th birthday. I'm not mad. Don't talk to me about intellectual capability. I don't apologise if i can capacitate as much as you or if i'm more of crazy and less of genius. I won't even deem in comparison. After all, I am who i am, dumber or not and your input doesn't mean much.

Just a little photos taken at home. I'm bringing my lomo out today!

Confucius said, "Make faithfulness and truth your masters: have no friends unlike yourself, be not ashamed to mend your faults." Some wise parting words from my fortune cookie.

Have a great Tuesday guys, tata!

Week graph

2010-10-25T11:19:00.005+08:00

My weekend was good. I spent most of it at my aunt's and having dinner, watching rented movies with bubble tea and minty pods.

I don't owe anyone an explanation. Especially not you.
If i am deem as fickle to you, let that be.
I won't find the time to live up to your expectations.

"Everyone edits themselves here, and it makes me wonder whether you're ever actually connected to real people, or just the people they all wish they were." - Iwtfy.me

Sometimes you wonder whose real and whose not.

On a better note, have a great week everyone!

Gibber

2010-10-24T00:36:00.002+08:00

So hey everyone!
I've been busy as usual but not mostly with work but more of pigging out and living a little before I return to sunny Singapore for my 3 months of summer!

I don't have pictures just as yet but i'm glad to say i'm finally done with all my assignments! WHICH MEANS, cruising for me! Lately i've been spending so much time distracting myself everything has seemed easier. I get a little down at times still wondering if what i'm doing is benefiting me in any way. I know i may deem so pathetic to so many people but i don't quite bother about all the labels everyone's gonna wrap me with. My thoughtful posts don't make much sense to the general and i know. Most of you come back for the pictures haha. That's really nice to know that people actually appreciate my photography and some even say my posts inspire them. To those who treat my blog as a daily read, thank you. I wish i was getting paid to do this, well sometimes. I love blogging honestly. Its such a space to let all your frustrations roll, it generates feedback and I love it when people can relate to how you feel. So, thanks everyone :>

I'm gonna do a self evaluation post.
Seems like the appropriate time to actually reflect on all my past deeds.
Interested?
Or would you rather me share blogskin secrets?

Anyway i've been stocking photographers lately and Rokaas Darulis caught my eye so do check him out.
Alright i'm off. Shall switch back to my bb! Hopefully its all charged!

The world is hard

2010-10-19T02:42:00.004+08:00

This world is hard. It has sharp edges and points that cut. It'll make you choose between love, money and sleep. Choose love each time and sleep when you can, money - only when you must.

Because this world is hard. And at times, it is too hard, for me.

Iwtfy.me

Set the dark on fire

2010-10-15T02:58:00.004+08:00

At times i question the animosities i feel, the reasons, the causes and i wonder whether i have a conclusion that'll leave me settled. I question a lot of things. Then there are times where i lay in bed with a blank mind but with a troubled heart. There are so many things that trigger these moments, leaving me squeezing my lids shut praying the day is over. Then i wonder, could it be all a dream? I try to visually pinch myself but i open my eyes and i'm still awake. Living isn't hard. Its just one of those nights. You try so hard to stay in slumber. You don't know what or why is irking you to get up and discover. You want to know whats been troubling you but when you wake, you lose all memory of it.

Then you get up, sit in front of your laptop in the dark till your eyes start to hurt from the bright light and you ask yourself, what am i saying? Am i even making sense? You're the only lighted up source in the dark and all is black. You don't see whats beyond your screen. Could it all be defined as such?

Maybe you're not suppose to know those things, maybe you should stop trying to figure them out cause some things are just beyond your control.
Maybe,
I should stop questioning blank time and space.
Maybe i should catch some shut eye.
Then maybe, i'll feel better tomorrow.

Someone, remind me when i wake.
Remind me that all the ugly is beautiful.
Remind me to find the little mercy caught in everyone.

D.

Lava cakes

2010-10-07T22:59:00.002+08:00

Well highlight of my Thursday. I found out that I was actually offered to do Bach of Design but was never told. I would've picked design over comms or done both from the start. My offer currently says rescinded but i'm hoping for something good tomorrow when i go and see the international rep!
I am so bummed about it cause i could've started doing it this sem :< I honestly hope the offer still stands! I've really been busy and somehow i feel like i'm starting to slack off which isn't practical considering i have about 10 assignments to complete by the end of this month! Alright guys, i'm off to take a shower before i come back to my lappy, do a little more work then dive into bed! Does anyone else think that Dominios has such awesome lava cakes?
Why do i feel like my blog is such a bore to read.
xx,D

In this circle

2010-10-05T01:38:00.002+08:00

A day has gone by and my mind's set back in motion on its recovery readying myself to finish all that comes my way. I've avoided doing reflections lately cause I don't wanna indulge myself in pointless thoughts that'll sink me lower than how i already feel. I'm so lost trying to keep track of how i feel. Over time, i've given up organizing certain things which have eventually made my life easier.

At times i wonder if its me making my life difficult with the choices i've made. Being occupied with assignments is kind of a plus cause it gives me time off worrying and calculating doing equations that i don't even have the answers to. Once in awhile, i pray answers will come in magic boxes like on Barney. Anything you desire, solutions all in a box, within your reach. I hate constantly having to check if i'm out of place or if what i'm doing is right. Tabulating if things are worth my while, if i can see prospective gains out of them. I know what i'm saying is so vague so if you don't comprehend with my what i'm saying, i'm sorry.

I realise that i've learnt to look beyond what i used to. Everything is slowly coming to face and honestly, i love what i'm seeing. Its such an eye opener it feels like i should've given myself the opportunity to see it before. Nevertheless its not too late. I wanna go places, don't you? There's more to life than window shopping.

Anyway, Sean's trip here was fun for me. I finally had time to just laze around! We had so much to eat over the past week i think our stomachs have expanded to a point of no return! Desserts were always in our daily eating regimes. Lava cakes, chocolate pizzas, icey ice, waffles, ice cream, panna cottas, everything sweet! We did a lot of walking in hope of shedding the sugar which i think was pretty successful. Having him sleeping next to me felt good. Kinda missed it. We don't spend a lot of time apart. Its always monthly intervals before we meet again which makes the missing more bearable! To be honest, long distant relationships aren't that bad. They sound bad cause people cry over it but think about being able to brave the distance haha, that should put your fear flame right out. We went for fish and chips while i braved seagulls and had cold rock, combed the flea market and managed to catch a little glimpse of an ongoing street performance. The days flew by so my memory's a little hazy. My favourite part of the days were usually sleep though i didnt get much but it was warming to watch S sound asleep. On the overall, i enjoyed him here but he didn't cause Perth was apparently and truly too boring for him!

Alright enough rambling, pictures!

Pancakes at carillon! That scoop which you may very well think is ice cream, is not haha. Its actually butter!

A book i bought recently. Its hilarious.

I'm off to finish up on my presentation, hope the pictures were to your liking!

xx,D.

Back to reality

2010-10-02T04:40:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone. Sean just left for Singapore!
I was a little upset at first cause it was so good having him here. Anyway its back to the crazy late nights and never ending workload for couple more weeks before the exams come and home sweet home for me!

But first, i am going to enjoy every itty bitty second of my holiday left. Will update again!

One weekend in spring

2010-09-28T04:27:00.005+08:00

Its 4.27 in the am now. I've finally done something productive to my blog layout. Hope you like it cause i'm learning to love the change haha. Just to inform you guys, the circles beneath the speech bubble are my personal links.

Perth has been great with Sean around. I'm doing a lot of exploring, getting lost, plucking mulberries from a neighbour's tree and way too much laughing at ourselves. We've had hong kong, korean, italian, indian, fondue, steak and ice cream with waffle cones. So much to eat! I have to admit, i'm really gonna miss him when he flies back this Sunday. I was having a little crisis trying to figure out if what i felt was right and wrong, whether i could see myself benefiting from it all. I've decided to put that on pause and just smell the roses, at least for now. Also, i'm tremendously investing effort into capturing every moment so i can share it with you readers! Documenting at every chance i get not only compiles to my collection of photos, but memories too. Alright, enough of me rambling, photolog!

I absolutely love this shot :>

My weekend was splendid, so was my Monday, how was yours?
My eyes are exhausted.
Sleep tight everyone, xx D.

The last Sunday of September

2010-09-26T13:25:00.003+08:00

Beautiful sunday isn't it? I'm on the freeway overlooking the river on my way to the city to meet Sean while listening to teenage dream! Yeap, he's here. For a good solid ten days! I'm blogging via blackberry so no pictures as yet. I'm on holiday right now for a week. Thanks for keeping this space alive by coming back to check whether I've updated. School's been alright, I'm still in the progress of completing my assignments and rechecking several details cause I might be home early this summer! Apparently I can take my papers in Singapore which is a double thumbs up! I just got a call and totally forgot what I wanted to blog about. Its lovely out today in Perth as I'm sure it is in sunny Singapore! Miss me, xoxo D.

The night is quiet, I can hear Sean breathing. Time for bed then, goodnight from us here in WA!

3 words

2010-09-16T16:34:00.003+08:00

There's nothing much i really want to say.
Sometimes silence just speaks for itself.

Busy buzzy me working round the clock to get all my assignments done. I've been burning midnight oil and my eyes are exhausted. Hopefully work will die down by the end of this week cause I seriously need a good night's sleep with no interuption. I could sleep forever and never get up and eve nforever won't be enough to completely replenish my exhaustion.

Other than that, everything's been pretty ordinary lately. The days are streaming by fast even though everything here moves at sloth pace. The breezes and the stars at night takes all your troubles away. You wonder if the stars have a home to return to. If they're each souls that never got a chance to truly experience lfe on earth. They watch from above, gleaming brightly, little suns I wish i could keep in my back pocket. I feel so sci-fi. Gotta rush off to school to drop an assignment then to finish my presentation thats due Monday! Have a great weekend guys.

Xo,D.

Busy Buzy me.

2010-09-13T17:55:00.004+08:00

Hey everyone! Its been awhile since i last blogged. I've been back for over aweek and time is just jetting by i'm piled right up to my shoulders with assignments :< I'm actually in school now working on my essay which is due this week and getting onto my presentation slides next Monday. Boy am i starving, can't wait for dinner! I've gotta get back to writing my essay. I've only got a k words, i need a brain boost.

Thanks for coming back to check regularly guys.
Love, D.

you make the rain fall

2010-09-03T04:44:00.002+08:00

I love the feeling i get in my gut when i'm laughing and all around me doesn't matter. Its like everyone has had at least a second of euphoria. So do yourself a favour and smile.

Have a great Friday everyone.
,D.

day 6

2010-09-02T03:48:00.003+08:00

First of all, a very happy birthday to my dearest friend Afiqah whom i've known for easily 6 years now. Through the conflict we've conquered it is an honor to have you as a friend. Happy 19th babe. Its a brand new year for you and you're finally on your way to achieving what you've truly been made for, i pray you'll succeed in every possible way. <3
We all love and support you!

My 10 day stay in Singapore is slowly coming to an end. I'm actually leaving on Sunday till the end of the year! How i feel a bout the weather hasn't changed one single bit. In fact, i can't wait to experience subzero again! Its been good seeing my friends and spending time with my family and Sean. He's been the sweetest to me ever since i got back making an effort to see me everyday, pampering me with every word haha. He actually knows where he wants to propose to me but i'll just have to sit tight for the next 7-10 years or so to actually experience that haha.
Apart from the ridonkulous weather, Singapore still feels the same. I miss the people, the food and kimchi tao kae noi! Its actually 4am now and i'm uploading pictures onto facebook. I can barely keep my eyes open :< I'm tedious from heading out every single day, taking late showers and finding the right clothes to dress down to accomodate the weather! Even shorts can kill you in this weather, imagine the heat. 32 isn't my favourite number alright.

I just wanna say thank you for Sean for being so patient with me. Though sometimes i think i misinterpret his actions, haha actually i do that quite alot nowadays, he's still made my stay a really fun and lovely one. I think we've got new found trust when it comes to driving (could be one sided on my end) and i'm glad we're estabishing that. I love having him put cheese on my bread or getting him to do little things for me that comes along as itty bitty pin points proving that he cares. Even though i'm back, he still takes all the effort to text me when we're not together, to come pick me up and take me home safely and letting me have whatever i feel like having i'm honestly bloated to the brim 'round the clock! So thanks baby. I truly appreciate the mighty effort.
I love you.
:>

everyday's sunday

2010-08-29T15:00:00.002+08:00

Ugh my hair looks so terrible and i looks so ugg in the photos. Thanks humidity.

Missed me?
Singapore's been great so far apart from the horrid weather which makes me feel like i'm in an inferno. Its so hot nowadays i don't know how everyone takes it! Sean has been a great host, letting me have a piece of everything. Now that i'm back, i realise that i miss so much more than food. I actually miss the high rised buildings, the lights in town, the amount of people. Singapore just never makes one feels lonely, ever.

I caught a glimpse of the YOG closing ceremony and it was pretty grand. Missed the entire games i didn't even know they ended! I've met my girls for lunch and tea, had xlb and dinner with everyone, chicken wings with economy beehoon that totally excites your senses, had dinner at pu tien with my parents, my brother, his girlfriend, Zhehan and Sean to celetbrate their 2nd year anniversary.

I feel like leaving blogging for a while. My blog oozes boredom.

Home sweet home

2010-08-27T05:32:00.000+08:00

KONICHIWA SINGAPORE!
I'll update soon!

On scene

2010-08-25T00:47:00.003+08:00

Goodbye Subzero.

Only because it's still so raw and real. Soon I'll just be a series of images that sometimes flash through your mind, when you least expect it. And after that, only a few will stay. Then, one. A memory of a memory.
iwtfy.me

I love the nostalgic feeling songs give you. In an instant memories flash through your mind, sometimes positive, other times otherwise. It could be a memory you've forgotten or one that you always want to cherish. As time goes by, times change, our memories coated with a layer of rust while they wait to wither away. Sometimes i wish all my memories could be stored into an external hard drive so i could watch them. It'll be like a movie already edited into different segments. Our minds so very much like faulty cameras.

Whats your most cherished memory?
Mmmm.

I'm saying goodbye to the cold for a week. I want the sun to eat me up and turn me to ashes. To brutally get burnt. Haha i want to get baked!
30 degrees, 4 seasons of summer, i'm coming!

Purple Sunday

2010-08-22T12:41:00.003+08:00

As the days go by, i'm beaming with excitement! Felt pretty good to start my Sunday off with mass then an asian breakfast. Mmmm. Off to go to mount lawley in a bit to interview someone for our group's magazine story. Tomorrow's Monday, i've got a test. Wish me luck!

What keeps my lips chapped during winter! I love how sweet it tastes haha.

Managed to snag a couple of cupcakes from the batch my cousin made yesterday! My webcam sucks.

Alright, teerah!

Ground zero

2010-08-20T15:14:00.001+08:00

The best time to reflect is when you like the person looking back.

iwtfy.me

Well I haven't done a reflection in awhile so a little quote sparked me to do it.
I like the mood i'm reflecting today so, here it goes. There have been umpteen disappointments in life and sometimes I really do feel like everything is slowly crumbling in front of me but i can't feel it physically. The things i've said or done to anyone or to myself, the negligence, the selfishness, the hatred. Though this traits in life are inevitable, my apology stretches to anyone whom i've done wrong.

The many animosities i feel have piled up to a certain point it surpasses any figment of tolerance left. I know that everything happens for a reason but who are we to really make out those reasons? The mystery of how events change and how the people in them do, its marvels me. How deappreciation, greed, selfishness, love, hate, friendships can be the basic structures that make up who we are. This post doesn't have a conclusion really, its just how i feel about certain elements in life. What sparks a need or greed? How we never take others or the consequences into consideration. We know of the risks, but we choose to go to ground zero, to suffer and to face the consequences only for an experiement where chances are bleak. Why do we choose to suffer in that sense? Where has it gotten everyone?
They say greed can be a fear, being afraid to lose something or maybe everything. So we want more to cocoon ourselves, to shant whatever insecurities that may fill us away.

Its so puzzling. What influences us and how we are who we are because of all these events.
I think i'm rambling so much you must be thinking this is all gibberish. But has the effects of your traits ever occur to you?

I'm still marveled.
Its Friday, a few more...before i'm back!
I'm hungry, doritos here i come!

4 27

2010-08-20T03:29:00.002+08:00

Look at the time and those hideous eyebadgs! My brain is exhausted from writing for hours and i'm doing things aimlessly.
My internet is finally back on, up and running.
I have so much to do with so little time! Hope you guys have an eventful weekend.
I look like crap.
Hahaha.

Thats to emphasize how crappy you can look from tripping your brain fuse and sleep deprivation.

Update!

2010-08-15T20:46:00.004+08:00

That's the view from Melville park last Sunday when we were barbecuing!

Awww.

My cousin wanted to make rainbow cupcakes for two of her friends so i helped out!

Success :>

That’s us icing the cupcakes, my aunt took this haha.

Missed me? I miss the internet so much. I honestly have so much to update on!Thank you to those to still visit this domain. Well i’ve been out of the cyber world for awhile now cause the calculation of data usage here is retarded. I’ve finished my 6gb cause of skype which is sort of dumb considering how i’m an international student and we all need to call home. My mom has been so protective even though we’re thousands of miles away. She finds the time to skype me, almost every single day. We exchange emails on a daily basis and she asks the usual.

So how has school been? If you’d like to know. Its been great! I love how i only have classes 2 days a week and how my cores make so much sense to me. WA is boring after 5 and the sun sets at 6 so the nights are basically quiet. Tonight’s the first night i’ve actually cooked myself dinner. Continental chicken and vegetable rice with ham, corn, eggs and melted cheese. I was tempted to have my easy mac but, i’d save it for a lazier day. I can’t wait for the next week to fly by cause well ..i’ve been trying to contain my excitement but its bursting into bite size portions.

I’m..comi ng back for a week! :>

I miss all the authentic food. I miss the Singaporean accent. I miss the lights in town at night. I miss how the city never sleeps. I miss how there’s always ice cream nearby in the middle of the night. How my friends are all so easily available. Most of all, I miss home. I miss Hazel, my mom and dad, Susan, my brother, Jiayi, Xianwen, Sylvia, Jarl, Geraldine, Vinna, Sean :> , just everyonnneee! I can’t wait.
If there’s something i really miss in Singapore, Its definitely gotta be the internet and phone connections!

Sean has been so patient with me throughout the past mAonth i’ve been here and i’m so grateful. There have been times when i’m optimum anal but he’s always stuck by me. I love how he takes the trouble to call me and to ensure we last on the phone. How he bbms me everyday and every morning. I appreciate it babe.

Its a long day of school tomorrow, gonna go read up on my text a little.

mandatory-explanatory

2010-08-07T00:49:00.006+08:00

I detest it when you try to explain yourself and nobody listens. You must have a point to prove in allowance to explaning yourself. Sometimes I just wanna explain how i'm feeling cause its bothering me, not to prove some shitty point. There are reasons why we feel terrible and in this particular case, your actions are the problem.

Just to remind you, all actions have concequences. You took the risk to burn it all and i took the risk to try and mend it back. You are doing your part. I honestly appreciate that. But once things go wrong the first time, you start to take precaution, you start to look out for yourself. I'm paying the price. The price you labeled. I'm not trying to make you feel bad but at least try to emphatize with me instead of saying, "Soooo. what's the point of this?" Have you ever considered how much it bugs me? Knowing that the trust i have in you isn't too in depth it makes it hard for me as well? Not everything revolves around you. I know my ramblings give you a hard time as well but i believe we're both part of this and we should try to at least resolve it even if its for the meanwhile. It's tedious having to explain myself time and time again. It's stupid to keep saying the same thing as if you haven't heard it over a thousand times already. But if it is so painful for you to bear, don't stay. I've never pinned you down on your knees threatening you to stay. You made choices that impacted you life before, so go ahead and take the wheel. Drive away if you want to. I'm not going to stop you cause i feel that you're given a choice in how much you want to tolerate.

I've tried to walk away so many times but you make me stay. I appreciate it, i don't dread it and no you're not forcing me. But sometimes just listen to me. Try to understand how tough it is on my part. Its easy for you to bury the hachet cause how has it hurt you? How has it affected you? Ask yourself that. Well for me, it taught me never to give your heart fully to someone you think you know, never to judge things from the surface and never to entrust all your trust in someone.

You did it. You listen to it.
I thought everything was good. I went through it. I'm living with it.

I made the choice.
However, am i not allowed to feel even a little dismay?
Whose calling permissions? Not you, not me.
So whose to restrict me? If you don't want to listen to me, don't alright.
Cause i'm prepared to make all ears and eyes bleed.
I'm not calling on whose blames or woes are heavier. I just want you to try and be me. Even for 1 second. Which we all know, its clearly impossible.
Sigh.